The worker perked up. Manipulation of subordinates: recognize and stop

Irina Davydova

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For many people, work is not only a source for replenishing the family budget and an anchor of stability, but also a favorite pastime, which is a way of self-expression and brings a certain joy in life. Unfortunately, work is far from always associated only with bright and pleasant emotions: relationships with colleagues can force even a calm person to slam the door.

How to put in place arrogant colleagues?

5 responses to a colleague if he constantly finds fault at work

Does your “comrade” at work vigilantly watches your every step, baselessly finds fault with every little thing, exhausts you with attacks, reproaches and jokes? Do not rush to splash lemonade in the face of the impudent person or send him on a long journey to a known address - first make sure that all cultural methods have been exhausted.

• "Do you want a cup of coffee?" And have a heart to heart chat. You will be surprised, but goodwill sometimes not only discourages the impudent and deprives him of "thorns", but also quickly solves the problem. In the end, adult adequate people are always able to find a common language.
• Be flexible and seek compromise. Even if nothing happens, your conscience will be clear - at least you tried.
• "You have parsley stuck in your teeth." Reduce all attacks to a joke. With a smile, but categorically "move out" from any reproach. And just keep doing your thing. On the principle of "smile and wave." For the 10th time, a colleague will get tired of your reciprocal jokes and “non-action” (the best answer to boors is precisely non-action!) And will find another victim for himself.
• "Your suggestions?". And really - let show and tell. Give the person the opportunity to express himself, and give yourself the opportunity to move on to a normal dialogue with a colleague. Calmly listen to his objections and suggestions. Also calmly agree or, in case of disagreement, arguedly and, again, calmly voice your point of view.
• “And indeed. And how did I not realize? Thanks for noticing! We'll fix it." You don't have to go into the bottle. The most bloodless option is to agree, smile, do as you are asked. Especially if you are wrong, and a colleague is a more experienced person in your work.

5 right steps if a work colleague is following you and reporting to the authorities

Is there a "mishandled Cossack" in your team? And more and more for your soul? If you are an exemplary worker and have a strong habit of keeping your mouth shut, then you don’t have to worry. However, knowing about the rules of conduct with "snitches" does not hurt.

• We place a colleague in an information vacuum. We discuss all important and personal issues only outside of work. Let a comrade starve without food for denunciations. And, of course, we approach our work responsibly. If you come after noon, run away long before the end of the working day, and spend most of your working time in the “smoking room”, then the boss will define you as an indefinite vacation without slanders.
• We act in reverse. We calmly and confidently launch the "misinformation", and let the scammer warm his long ears and spread this misinformation around the company. The minimum that awaits him is a reprimand from his superiors. The method is radical, and it may well turn out to be a double-edged sword, so choose the material for the "misinformation" very thoroughly.
• "Who is there?". We ignore the colleague himself and his attempts to ruin your life. As for the authorities, there is no need to worry here: no one likes informers. Therefore, do not try to run after a fellow informer to the head and insert your 5 kopecks. Just "sit by the river and wait for the corpse of your enemy to float past you."
• "Well, shall we talk?" A heart-to-heart conversation real option problem solving. But without superiors and in the presence of witnesses - other colleagues. And preferably, those colleagues who are on your side. In the process of an intimate conversation, you can explain to a colleague that everyone knows about his actions, that no one supports these actions, and that at all times the fate of informers was unenviable (everyone chooses the tone of conversation and epithets to the best of their intelligence). It is worth noting that as a result of such conversations, informers very often realize their mistakes and take the path of correction. The main thing is to convey to the person that in your friendly and strong team with such life “principles” they do not linger for a long time.
• To hell with delicacy, we count the snitch ribs! This is the worst case scenario. He will not increase your "karma" unambiguously. Therefore, emotions are aside, sober thinking and calmness are above all. And even better, humor can help relieve stress. It is humor, not sarcasm and skillfully inserted "hairpins".

In the matter of denunciations, it is always harder than with ordinary rudeness. Ham can, if desired, be pulled over to his side, calmed down, brought to a conversation, turned into a friend from a foe. But as a rule, pride does not allow anyone to be friends with a snitch. Therefore, if a snake has wound up in your friendly team, deprive it of poison immediately.

A colleague is frankly rude - 5 ways to besiege an insolent person

We meet boors everywhere - at home, at work, in transport, etc. But if a bus boor can be ignored and forgotten as soon as you got off at your stop, then a boor colleague is sometimes a real problem. After all, you won’t change jobs because of him.

How to besiege an insolent?

• We respond to every boorish attack with a joke. So the nerves will be more whole, and your authority among colleagues will be higher. The main thing is not to cross the line in your jokes. "Below the belt" and black humor is not an option. Don't stoop to the level of a colleague.
• We turn on the voice recorder. As soon as the boor opens his mouth, we take out a voice recorder from our pocket (or turn it on on the phone) and with the words "Wait, wait, I'm recording," we press the record button. No need to scare the boor that you will take this audio collection to the boss, record "For history!" Defiantly and without fail with a smile.
• If a boor asserts himself in this way at your expense, deprive him of such an opportunity. Does he pester you during your lunch break? Eat at other times. Does it interfere with your workflow? Transfer to another department or work schedule. Is there no such possibility? Ignore attacks and see point 1.
• "Do you want to talk about it?" Every time they try to piss you off, “turn on” your inner psychiatrist. And look at your opponent with the forgiving eyes of a psychiatrist. Specialists never contradict their violent patients. They stroke their heads, smile affectionately and agree with everything the patients say. For especially violent ones - a straitjacket (the camera of the phone will help you, and the entire series of videos on YouTube).
• We grow personally. Take care of yourself - your work, hobbies, growth. With personal growth, all boors, scammers and gossips remain somewhere outside your flight. Like ants underfoot.

5 answers on how to deal with a gossip colleague

Of course, everyone is thrown off balance by false rumors spread behind their backs. At this moment you feel "naked" and betrayed. Especially if the information about you spread at the speed of light is true.

How to behave?

• Pretend that you are not aware of the situation, and continue to work calmly. They argue and stop. As you know, "everything passes", and this too.
• Join the conversation about yourself. With humor and jokes. Take part in the gossip and boldly add a couple of shocking details. Even if the gossip doesn't stop, at least take the pressure off. Further work will be much easier.
• Point out to a colleague specific articles of the Criminal Code on libel which he violates with his gossip. Doesn't understand well? File a suit for the protection of honor and dignity.
• Every day, deliberately and defiantly toss a colleague a new topic for gossip. Moreover, the topics should be such that in a week the team is completely tired of them.
• Talk to the boss. If all else fails, then this is the only option left. Just don't rush into your boss's office and do the same thing your colleague does. Calmly turn to your superiors for help, without naming names - let them advise you on how to get out of this situation with honor without harming the general microclimate in the team.

It's no secret that a male leader can sometimes behave impolitely towards a female subordinate, for example, make an unsuccessful joke about her or start flirting. If the boss is an adequate person, then, having noticed the dissatisfaction of the employee, he will try not to do this again. But what if the boss's behavior goes further and further beyond the boundaries of decency, and it becomes obvious that he is not going to stop it voluntarily? For example, using his position, the leader can:

• raise your voice or swear
• humiliate and ridicule you or your suggestions
• act familiarly (for example, speaking vulgar things or moving on to discussing your personal life)
• to flirt or tease

How to properly stop the boss without coming into conflict with him?

To be honest, in this situation, the subordinate does not have much choice. Leaving aside completely unrealistic options like filing a lawsuit for discrimination - any sane person understands that the chances of a woman winning in court and paying moral compensation on such a charge are vanishingly small.

Directly and unambiguously expressing one's dissatisfaction with the actions of the boss is not easy: how often do you meet leaders who are able to calmly accept criticism from subordinates? Rather, it can lead to a serious conflict and ruin your relationship with your boss, which means it will undermine your chances for career growth.

But the leader’s behavior cannot be tolerated either: if he doesn’t meet worthy resistance, he will lose all respect for you and will not take you seriously. And an employee who is not taken seriously, as a rule, is not promoted.

What can you do to limit or at least hinder such behavior towards you? If it is impossible to "siege" the boss in plain text (or you do not dare to do this), but it is no longer possible to tolerate his antics?

Use indirect techniques that, although they do not require words, clearly convey to the subconscious of the boss the idea that it is time for him to stop:

• Stop smiling at him. At all. Most women instinctively smile at important interlocutors in order to more easily reach an understanding with them or arouse sympathy. The smile becomes so habitual that we do not even think about how a man perceives it. And the man sees in her a sign of encouragement and approval of his actions. Therefore, if the boss is rude, and you smile embarrassedly in response, then you send him the wrong signal - he thinks that everything suits you.

Of course, this does not mean that you should talk with a frown or an angry face - keep it neutral, but not smiling. Then the male subconscious of the boss "counts" your displeasure, and this will help limit his unacceptable behavior.

• Look at him only with a "business" look. A “business” look is a look strictly at the level of the eyes and nose. Do not point it lower (on the lips and neck) or higher (on the forehead). This view strongly formalizes the contact and increases the psychological distance between you and the boss, making it difficult for him to get personal. It is also useful for the "prevention" of flirting and harassment, as it effectively "cools" the interlocutor.

• Don't lower your head or nod when your boss says something to you. Frequent nodding and looking up are signals of support and submission that, in the case of your boss, will work against you. Perhaps these gestures are as familiar to you as a constant smile. Make an effort on yourself - stop frequently nodding, assenting (“yes, yes, I understand”) and looking up at him. Instead, signal your agreement only when the boss finishes some line by giving him a slow nod once.

• Change your way of dressing. Switch to a more strict business style to raise your status in the eyes of your boss and cool his ardor. It will be much more difficult for a manager to pester an employee if she wears a “business best” suit, and not “casual” clothes - these are the laws of psychology. Use them to your advantage - start dressing more formally and your boss will quickly feel the difference.

• Ignore jokes and insults. Showing rudeness or familiarity, the chef expects to impress you (as a rule, not at all what he really produces, but, alas, he does not know about it). You can overcome these ridiculous attempts if you do not give him the reaction that he expects. To do this, "isolate" his familiar remarks, surrounding them with silence. Do not answer them - instead, immediately move on to discussing other (business) issues.

Otherwise, behave with the manager in the same way as before: be polite and do your job well. And these "silent" techniques will help you to limit without conflict those actions of the boss that are completely inappropriate at work.

) at the last job in the magazine there were constant clashes with the director of the photo service. “It is impossible to develop any kind of strategy in dealing with a person who does nothing in the workplace and in whose blood everything that he encounters is slandered without stepping on the throat of his own opinion rushing out,” she is sure.

Sveta recalls that the "difficult" boss, firstly, had a very loud voice, and secondly, he was very fond of talking - it was impossible to shout down, get through to him. “I had to just hush up conversations, turning purple with indignation,” she says. “You just have to ignore such people and pretend that you are listening to music. referring to emergency." Sveta never managed to get along with the conflicting boss: as a result of clashes with him, she was fired.

For those who do not want to lose their jobs because of "difficult" colleagues, Timesonline offers 10 behavioral tips that can help you not only get along with a difficult person, but also internally change your attitude towards him.

1. Look deeper

“People do not come to work on purpose to do their job as badly as possible and ruin your life,” says Matt Brown, director of the YSC consulting company. “You need to try to understand the root of the problem. That is, to understand what drives a person, what are his motives, why He's not at his best right now."

2. Change the way you think

If you enter into a conversation thinking of the other person as a difficult person, you immediately become defensive, which can create tension between you, and this will not help the cause. "Change your perspective," says Marielena Sabatier, CEO of Inspiring Potential. "Maybe this person isn't difficult at all, just not like you."

3. Change your actions

"When we're dealing with problem colleagues, it's easier to get them to understand by focusing on understanding what they need from us," says Gareth English, senior consultant at OPP. "But the point is, they are your problem, and if you want to fix it, the most effective way to do so is to take responsibility for the change. Often the solution is to first change something about your behavior." .

4. Don't put off solving the problem

The longer you ignore a problem, the more intractable it becomes. Often a simple conversation can be enough to resolve the issue on the spot. "If you're in conflict with someone who's in control, you just need to get to the bottom of it," says Brown.

5. Communicate at their level

Most people react to a difficult situation with their usual communication patterns, only intensifying the degree. "It's better to try to identify how your communication style differs from theirs and try to adapt it accordingly," says English.

6. If you have bad news to tell, prepare for the worst.

Telling a difficult person bad news is always an unpleasant experience. However, negative side effects can be smoothed out with the help of directness in their actions. You need to remove all the emotional part and focus on the main thing.

7. Don't reward bad behavior

Stop solving other people's problems, or you will have to do it again and again. And do not let yourself be drawn into arguments by people who are trying to attract attention in this way. Even if you win this fight, you will lose the battle.

8. Be consistent and clear

If the problem is in the person's behavior, say what he needs to change in it. If a colleague continues to display bad behavior, say so directly and immediately - do not wait for the next formal audience.

9. Focus on goals, not methods

Problems can arise when the discussion starts to revolve around ways to do something rather than what should be done. You must have a clear idea of ​​what you want to achieve. Focus on the purpose of the conversation, not on getting things your way.

10. Some things can't be fixed.

"Maybe the person is behaving this way because the organization doesn't suit them," says Williams. In some situations, for example, when it comes to aggression, there are practically no ways to resist a "difficult" person. And there can be only one solution here - to leave yourself or (if it is in your competence) to fire your "difficult" colleague.

Fall in love!

However, assistant photo editor Olga has one last (and wonderful) way to get along with a difficult colleague. “If a person is difficult to communicate, I fall in love with him, this is not at all difficult to do, because everyone has good and bad qualities,” she says. “You need to evaluate a person in a complex and understand how extraordinary and amazing he is. difficulties are not difficulties, but joys :) Every moment of communication gives pleasure and happiness, and when people see what happiness they bring you, they change for the better!"

If you have a person under your control who is often sick, gets into traffic jams and traffic accidents, complains about eternal floods due to the fault of neighbors from above and periodically visits a terminally ill grandmother in the village, then either you can really sympathize with him, or you should apply certain measures to him.

The main reasons for the misunderstanding of the boss and subordinate

The main problem that managers face is the inability and ignorance of the ways of knowing another person. The easiest way to understand the other is identification, that is, likening oneself to another, striving to put oneself in his place. The study of man will become even more complete when identifications are reinforced by sympathy and sympathy. But it is not often that there are leaders who are ready to intervene in a situation that is not related to work, ready to help a subordinate at a difficult moment and rejoice with him in his successes. Interest in the affairs of a subordinate is not a simple curiosity, but a psychological connection, participation in normal human relationships.

Psychological connection requires the boss to be able to "read" the face of a subordinate. With the help of intuition, an experienced leader will be able to determine the mood, attitude to work, the well-being of the subordinate, whether he has a tendency to engage in this activity or not. However, this happens extremely rarely, most often the leader resorts to attribution - attributing the motives of behavior. This is a very subjective process, often only negative motives of behavior and character traits are attributed to a “bad” employee, and only positive motives are attributed to a “good” one. But subordinates do not always suffer from the warnings of superiors. Much more common is a biased attitude towards a new boss, changes in the organization of labor, a change of job, a low assessment of labor and discipline.

How to put a subordinate in place

First of all, never raise your voice using your higher position. For this, the administrative resource that you possess is quite enough. For each member of your team, you must define official duties, approve them by order, print and acquaint everyone with a signature. It is also desirable to create a decree according to which employees will have to perform official duties for those members of the team who are absent due to illness or other good reason. Now, those who abuse sick leaves will, by their absence, let down colleagues who will do the work for them. It is recommended to set the time for which it is allowed to be late for work, taking into account unforeseen circumstances, for example, by 10-20 minutes. Those who have exceeded this time will have to write an explanatory note. In case of frequent delays with indistinct explanations, you will have every right to reprimand and reduce or deprive of financial incentives.

If your organization does not record the arrival and departure of employees on a magnetic card, then in your department you should have a time sheet for the arrival and departure of employees and periodically check it for control. If your subordinates take time off from work, then this must be recorded through statements or memos. Basically, they are not presented anywhere, but they can serve as a reason for you to reduce the premium if this is clearly neglected. To determine the effectiveness of the work of subordinates and make them work for the result, you can introduce a system of final meetings (based on the results of the week, month). At planning meetings, you can not only analyze the work of employees of a department or company for a certain period, highlighting the achievements of specific employees and noting the significance of the contribution of each, but also outline plans for the next month. If an employee was given a task in front of everyone, but he did not complete it or shifted it to another, then this will definitely be noticed, and public censure is sometimes even stronger and more effective than the remark of the boss. Most often, employees begin to cheat when they have time for this. Therefore, you need to clearly paint his day or hour, then it will be easier for you to control him. If you have assigned an employee a large-scale project that will take a long period of time to complete (for example, two weeks or a month), then be sure to indicate intermediate dates on which the subordinate will need to report on what he has completed on this moment. If the employee does not want to work, then try to motivate him. And not necessarily materially, or at least not only materially. Sometimes an element of competition helps, for example, you can establish the nomination "best manager of the month" or "person of the week" and award it to distinguished employees, accompanying this with small bonuses.

collected a few useful tips about how to deal with arrogant and complacent people.

Feeling bold and daring? Self-confidence is good, but if you're the office know-it-all all the time, it can backfire, especially if you're so overconfident that you don't pay attention to it.

Your arrogance can lead to the fact that colleagues do not want to cooperate with you.

• What to do if your boss is trying to intimidate you
• How to tame an office dictator
• How to build relationships with insecure colleagues

We reached out to users of the Q&A site Quora to find out how to deal with upstarts at work and out of the office. And here is what they told us.

Ego above all

“Arrogant people need attention like air,” writes Angie Nake. “They desperately need praise and admiration. So be kind enough to give them what they want immediately.”

Otherwise, you will have to "leave with nothing or spend a lot of time on exhausting arguments (arguments, because arrogant people simply do not understand what a conversation or dialogue is)".

And Shuretta Williams advises not to forget that "truly great people do not brag about their greatness."

Audacity second happiness

Sometimes arrogance stems from a great mind. “In my experience, many arrogant people are either very smart (or think they are smart), or successful ... or both smart and successful,” writes Anna Butler.

“Those who consider themselves smart (fairly or not) do not understand why not everyone thinks the same as they do,” Anna continues. “Those who have achieved success also cannot understand why the rest cannot just show the same zeal and achieve the same heights."

From a medical point of view, "an arrogant person has a shifted concept of confidence, his arrogance is a defense mechanism. In fact, such people are not confident in themselves," explains Ian Whitrow.

“If you need to build a working relationship with such a person, there is nothing worse than trying to play games with him or threaten him. revenge plans.

Unhealthy maximalism

But Jill Uchiyama believes that arrogance often arises if a person divides the world into black and white.

“Maximalists are often arrogant,” she writes. “It happens to everyone, especially young people who think they already know everything in the world before they have any life experience(we all did it!)

Let them rant to themselves - just turn away, lower your eyes and go on your way

The person may "lack depth and understanding," writes Jill. "Imagine putting on headphones and blindfolding yourself, and you're trying to explain how to do something. Basically, that's exactly what it feels like, and yes, it's very frustrating." ".

She suggests three ways to deal with an arrogant attitude.

1. Step aside. Let them rant for themselves - just turn away, lower your eyes and go your own way. So you will non-verbally let them know that you do not agree, but you do not have time for such a one-way conversation.
2. Just say, "Okay." Smile and leave. Usually this helps to defuse the situation very quickly.
3. Joke. "I see John here knows everything about politics (or whatever you talk about). Maybe now we can have a normal conversation about it."

A look in the mirror

Sometimes a self-confident colleague may not even realize that his words or intonation offend others.

Foolishly, he always used words he didn't understand the meaning of.

"It seems to me that ignorant and arrogant people are best to be honest about how their behavior makes them feel," Ankita Singh said, suggesting that the topic be raised as diplomatically as possible.

Criticism should be constructive: note the achievements of such colleagues and areas that need improvement, for example, advise "think about your words in advance so as not to seem tactless, and imagine how you would feel yourself if you heard such speeches addressed to you."

Not one step back

If the person continues to behave in the same spirit, do not back down and stand firm in your opinion, advises Butler, "but, if possible, back it up with reliable evidence."

“I had several arrogant bosses, in conversations with whom I defended my opinion,” says Butler, “and although they did not like it, they respected my point of view, and this greatly influenced their attitude towards me - against the background of other employees, who walked before them on their hind legs.

Ridiculous

If none of the methods worked, treat the situation with humor.

"For example, one of my colleagues loved pretentious expressions. He was arrogant and often made fun of the speech of other people, accusing them of a lack of proper education, and so on. In general, pompousness embodied. It was very hard to work with him, we were all afraid of him" .

Once we were discussing something, and he wanted to say: "This idea should be developed", but instead of just expressing his thought, he decided to flaunt his dubious linguistic abilities and told me: "You should exacerbate this idea." . I almost burst with laughter. "

"After this incident, I was never afraid of him and did not pay attention to him. He was just a fool, and stupidly he always used words that he did not understand the meaning of."

• Read on English language you can on the website