If a child is called names at school, then a clear answer to the question: “What is the reason for this? "It's impossible to give. To help in these situations, they should be treated individually.
Raising children, we prepare them for society. The first groups in which children communicate are a nursery and a kindergarten. But there they are small, and their actions can be stimulated by educators from outside.
In the children's team of the school, especially among adolescents, relationships between children are tied up on their own. They themselves determine leaders, find partners for communication, decide who is friend and who is enemy.
Teenagers have their own rankings, and it often happens that the roles are predetermined from the outside.
The influence of the school on the child is enormous. They spend most of their time there. By the behavior of the child at home, you can understand what place he occupies in the team.
An experienced psychologist sees at a glance whether a child is being bullied at school.
If he differs from everyone else in appearance, has a physical handicap, slow behavior, does not know how to please - we can already say that he is the number one candidate for the role of an outcast. You can poison and call names for an awkward word, for a mistake in a lesson, for independent thinking, for being dressed poorer than the rest.
Sometimes the teacher deliberately provokes the class leader to show aggression in order to keep the team in line. Unfortunately, this happens frequently.
Child abuse is not uncommon. With aggression, children meet from childhood. Many see cruelty in the family - their parents bring them up that way. Computer games also provoke cruelty; films are constantly shown on TV in which the leaders of gangster groups are the heroes. Children absorb all this, and then project it onto their own lives, asserting themselves at the expense of their peers. Very often, children from dysfunctional families, in order to raise their self-esteem, choose to bully someone of a higher rank in social origin, but weaker. It is important to understand in time what status the child has in the children's team.
To do this is simple, to analyze the mood of the child during the preparations for school and after returning from it.
In the event that a teenager goes to class reluctantly, feigns some kind of illness, and after returning home, runs away to the bath to clumsily wash away the blood or hide torn clothes, then we can safely assume that he is being bullied at school.
What to do if the child is called names at school and humiliated? First of all, do not leave the child alone with the problem, do not ignore him, provide moral support. But at the same time, in no case should you act without consulting him.
It is necessary to clearly understand how the persecution began, how many people from the team call names, how are the rest set up?
Children are very suspicious. Sometimes calling names is a way to attract attention, to seem interesting.
It may also be that children themselves provoke those who attack them, even if unconsciously.
They stand out too much from the general mass - and not with the mind, they treat their peers with contempt. They themselves tried to take the leadership position, but failed.
In the case when they call names for appearance - carelessness, untidiness - you will have to talk not with the offenders, but with the child himself.
If bullying in the team over the weak manifests itself in the lower grades, it is imperative to talk with the teacher. At this age, teacher authority is sometimes enough to stop such an attitude.
There are parents who, together with the child, begin to come up with reciprocal nicknames for offenders. This is not the way to do it.
Instead of stopping aggression, children learn to respond in a similar way and continue the conflict situation. In this case, a verbal skirmish can develop into a physical impact and damage to health will be done. And this is much worse.
Although "give change" the child needs to be taught. Your best bet is to write it down in the power section. This is useful for general development, it will teach you to stand up for yourself, to communicate in another team. Usually in sports sections of a similar orientation, there is a wonderful discipline and the coach achieves respect for each other from his pupils. This will help children resolve conflicts at school.
Both boys and girls can now be enrolled in the wrestling or boxing section. As soon as the child learns to defend himself, from the section - if he wants, he can leave.
If a child is called names at school, you can offer several ways out of this situation.
Transfer him to another school. But this solution is only an extreme case. If the child really stands out externally, or has physical disabilities, there is no guarantee that the situation will not happen again.
It may also be that children, having learned from out-of-school acquaintances why they had to leave the past team, will double the bullying. New ones will be added to old nicknames and offensive phrases.
Of course, if it is possible to transfer a teenager to an elite school, where there are only a few people in each class, then the situation will not repeat itself. But it is unlikely that parents with an above-average standard of living will send their children to an ordinary secondary school and even endure bullying of a child.
The next way is to talk to the leader of the offenders yourself. If these are junior classes, then you can ask the son of friends, a neighbor's boy who studies at the same school. You can even scare this presumptuous leader in words. It often happens that after the offenders understand that they can be punished for their “exploits”, they fall behind the chosen “victim”. Sometimes it pays to ask a teacher. The conflict can stop the conversation in the presence of the conflicting parties, with parents and class teachers. It is also possible to invite a psychologist.
Classes with a psychologist help children understand themselves, find the cause of the conflict, understand why everything is happening. It is desirable that the child agrees to classes with a psychologist or psychotherapist without parental pressure.
Parental love can also help a child. When he has physical disabilities, it is impossible to hide from some offensive words. Let parental love in the midst of cruelty not let the little person feel like an outcast.
In no case, even if the child provokes offensive words with his behavior, do not try to attack him, poking his nose at mistakes. The child's psyche is unstable. The child will only see that everything around him is against him, including the closest people. And this is a direct path to depression.
It is great if parents not only analyze the current situation together with the child, but also select suitable literature or films for him. Many American directors and writers devoted their works to this issue.
When solving the issue of name-calling, analyzing the situation, you need to be very careful. Sometimes children, having understood how to avoid offensive words, join the "strong" ones and begin to mock the weakest along with the rest, as if to avenge the humiliation they experienced.
To prevent this from happening, the child needs to be occupied. He must have friends not only at school.
It is imperative to pay attention to the social problems of children that arise in a team. When a child is called names, when he is not respected and bullied, this is reflected in his studies, and lays down behavioral characteristics that can interfere with success in life. It is very important for parents to form a personality out of a small person who is able to make decisions independently, defend their opinion and not bend under the opinion of the team, so as not to hear offensive words.
There is another method - to teach the child to perceive the situation with a certain amount of irony and a little detached.
For example, when alluding to physical disabilities, answer: "Yes, I know." When emphasizing any oddities - answer "do not envy."
When the "callers" begin to understand that their words do not offend, leave indifferent, they retreat.
The most important thing is not to leave the child alone in a difficult situation. The child should know that the parents are on his side in any case.
Solving the social problems of children is very important. In childhood, the behavior of children in difficult life situations is laid. If the child is not helped, he will not succeed in life.
It is almost impossible to avoid the appearance of teasers in the children's team, but it is necessary to fight them.
Parents and educators should not disregard situations where children call each other names. The task of the teacher is to stop the appearance and use of offensive nicknames in the classroom. You can talk separately with the instigators, you can arrange a class hour on this topic. It is necessary to discuss with the victim why others call names (take offense at him, want to attract his attention?).
It happens that the child does not understand what he is saying, or does not realize that he is uttering very offensive and offensive words. It should be explained to him that in this way he offends all those present and it is indecent to use such words. Teenagers can be told that people use swearing only as a last resort, when out of desperation they no longer have enough strength and words, and help them change their attitude to difficult situations. For example, one teacher suggested that her fifth graders use the names of dinosaurs or flowers instead of common swear words. You can call a classmate who steps on his foot a diplodocus or a cactus. It will also sound emotional, but much less rude and humorous.
It is useful to play associations with the guys - take turns talking about what objects, animals, seasons, etc. they associate with each other. It is better to start the game in small groups so that everyone can speak out and be in the central role. You can discuss why this or that association has arisen. This game helps to draw the child's attention to which of his qualities are significant to others.
Parents, if a child complains of being teased, should talk to him about how you can and should respond to the call.
Don't react at all(ignore, disregard) This is quite difficult to do, but in some cases it is effective. For example: "Hare, hare!" - calls a classmate. Do not respond until you call by name, pretend that you do not understand who they are addressing. Say: “Actually, my name is Vasya. Did you call me?"
React out of the box. A calling child always expects to receive a certain reaction from the victim (resentment, anger, etc.), the unusual behavior of the victim can stop aggression. For example, you can agree with the nickname: “Yes, my mother also thinks that I am somewhat similar to an owl, I can see better at night, and I like to sleep in the morning.” Or laugh together: “Yes, we have such a surname, so they teased my great-grandfather.” By the way, parents can talk with their child at home about the fact that often in a team children call each other names, misrepresenting, distorting surnames, and come up with nicknames. You can remember how they called them names at one time, try to make a new one out of the surname together, determine who will come up with a more original, unusual one, and laugh together. Then it will be easier for the child not to be offended by peers - he will be ready for this.
Explain yourself. You can calmly say to a calling peer: “I am very sorry to hear this”, “Why do you want to offend me?”. One second grader (the largest in the class) was called fat by another boy. To which the object of ridicule said: “You know, something I don’t want to be friends with you at all.” This impressed the aggressor so much that he apologized and stopped calling names.
Do not succumb to provocation. Classmates chased a fifth grade student and called him Masyanya. He got angry and rushed at them with his fists. Everyone ran away with delight, and then started again. The boy was asked to try (as an experiment, such a suggestion is always readily accepted by children) the next time not to rush at the offenders with his fists, but to turn to them and calmly say: "Guys, I'm tired, let me rest."
Don't let yourself be manipulated. Very often, children seek to force their peers to do something with the help of name-calling. For example, everyone knows the “take on weakly” technique. For all intents and purposes, the child is told that he does not do something because he is a "coward", "scumbag", etc., thus putting him before a choice: either agree to do what is required of him (often break some rules or put himself in danger), or he will remain in the eyes of those around him as a "squishy" and "coward". Probably, of all the situations associated with name-calling, this one is the most difficult. And here it is very difficult to help a child get out of it with dignity, because it is not easy for an adult to resist the opinion of the majority, especially those with whom you will have to communicate in the future.
In this sense, it is very interesting to discuss with the child the story of V.Yu. Dragunsky “Workers crush the stone”, in which Deniska finally decided to jump from the tower, but not because everyone laughed at him, but because he could not respect himself if he had not done so. The child's attention should be drawn to the fact that in each specific situation it is necessary not to rush, to weigh all the pros and cons, to understand what is more important: to prove something to others or to maintain self-respect.
Reply. Sometimes it is useful to respond to the offender in the same way, not to be a passive victim, but to become an equal with the offender.
When another fight happened in the sixth grade and the head teacher asked: “Well, why are you fighting ?!” - one of the fighters replied: “And he teases me. Calls "bald birch"! The boy had the surname Berezin, and his opponent had a hard-to-pronounce Georgian surname, his name was Koba. And the head teacher exclaimed in her hearts: “Well, you tease him, say - “Shaggy Koba”! Why fight something?!”
Maybe teaching this is not pedagogical, but sometimes there is no other way out. True, you can answer not with an insult, but with a special excuse.
Say goodbye. According to the observations of M.V. Osorina, for 5-9-year-old children it is very important to be able to shout out an excuse in response to a name-calling - a kind of defense against a verbal attack. Knowing such excuses helps not to leave an insult unanswered, to stop the conflict, to remain calm (at least outwardly), to surprise and, accordingly, stop the attacker. The last word in this case remains with the victim.
Here are examples of answers:
"Black box office -
I have the key
who calls -
on himself!"
"Chicky-tracks - wall!"
(The child puts a barrier between himself and the name-calling with his hand).
"There was a crocodile,
swallowed your word
but left mine!
"Whoever calls names - he calls himself that!"
"- Fool!
- Nice to meet you, and my name is Petya.
All excuses should be pronounced in a calm, friendly tone, trying to reduce everything to a joke.
Outcast children - the consequences of bullying
In 1981, American psychologists Achenbach and Edelbrock conducted a study, the results of which showed that “a child’s confidence in his position can contribute to the development of his life skills in a team, and rejection by peers entails the development of isolation, but not leads to a weakening of those traits by which it is caused. Besides, the difficulty of relationships with peers that appeared in childhood is often a harbinger of emotional distress in the future.
In a number of works by domestic and foreign psychologists, it is noted that unfavorable relationships in the team contribute to the emergence of persistent negative experiences in the child, the disappearance of self-confidence and a decrease in the ability and desire to learn. They are often the cause of early dropout from school. The lack of social recognition and communication is compensated by the search for an out-of-school circle of peers, which is characterized by illegal behavior. Bad relationships in the classroom lead to other negative consequences. Cm.
Is your child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should not sprinkle ashes on your head either. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone away.
By reviewing your own condition, you can radically change the fate of the child.
School bell! Like a shot from a starting pistol. He gives rise to a big race for a place in the children's team. Someone will win, someone will take an honorable second, fifth, tenth place. And someone, having heard for the first time in his address “Get out fat!” or “Hey, bespectacled man, come here!”, and will not be able to get rid of the insulting attacks of classmates. How to help him? If your child is called names at school, this is an occasion to seriously think about the reasons.
School yard, elementary school. Three boys are playing shooters. A real hurricane with pistols in their hands, irrepressible energy in their eyes! At this time, several girls sit on a bench in the yard. One of them is noticeably larger than the others. The boys see her: "Urine oily!" Without saying a word, they attack. Push, push.
The girl was dumbfounded for a second, then looked into their eyes and smiled. The boys did not understand the reaction, slightly slowed down. And she: “I understand you want to play with me! Come quickly catch up with me!- and ran. The boys were at first confused, and then enthusiastically ran after her.
Lisa immediately took control of the game into her own hands. After about twenty minutes the game became more complicated - headquarters appeared, crossings with overcoming obstacles. Looking at them, the rest of the children joined in the game. Coalitions began, plans to take over.
The girl got tired of running, sat down on a bench. While she was sitting, she plucked blades of grass and taught the girls to weave bracelets. The girls lined up for bracelets from Lisa, and the former offenders nagged nearby: “Well, Lisa, don't play with them, play with us. No, we can't live without you!"
Lisa was no longer called fat at school.
What do you think your child would do in this situation? And where to get a psychological body armor for a child, if it is?
The child is called names at school - what to do?
Moms sometimes just want to go and punish offenders. And then you understand, you can’t always fight with other people’s children. What else to do? Complain to teachers? Sending a child to combat sambo? Saying, "Pay no attention"? Transfer to another school?
If your child is being bullied at school, none of these tips will work. Why? Because very often the cause of the problem is not outside.
It is clear that the boys from the back row are from dysfunctional families, hooligans are waiting around the corner of the school, and Vasya P. has been selling spices since the second grade. It is clear that we do not give the child in ideal conditions. Increasing reports in the media about the cruelty of schoolchildren confirm this.
And yet, if only one or several children are called names in the team, this means that other children were somehow able to adapt - to arouse interest, respect, and not allow them to be humiliated, called names at school. What factors does it depend on? Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan answers - from the inner feeling of security and safety of the child.
Mom I'm safe
In fact, the feeling of security and safety of children depends on two components: the psychological state of the mother and the development of the innate properties of the child. Let's consider in more detail.
Remember the moments when you looked at the world, and it felt open, benevolent, and any obstacles could be overcome. This feeling of inner comfort is a feeling of security and safety. It is important for everyone, but for children it is a necessary component of their development. It is transmitted, for example, from man to woman, from mother to child.
It is the mother who influences the condition of the child more than others. Up to three years, her connection with the child is absolute, up to six - significant, up to puberty - still strong. The child reacts to any tension in the state of the mother: her resentment, fears, dissatisfaction. The child may not even know what is happening, he just feels that his mother feels bad and loses his sense of security and safety.
Relationships at the level of the unconscious are unmistakable. Peers feel the state of each other. A child who has lost a sense of security may begin to be called names and humiliated at school because of their appearance and other differences. Or vice versa, he may start calling children names himself. Oddly enough, from all angles it has the same reasons. In addition, school violence is a sign when, without the right influence of adults, children look for a victim who is different from others or a weak child, and unite on the principle of “all against one”. So, in a primitive way, having strayed into a flock, they are ranked, dumping hostility on the one who is weaker.
These monsters are poisoning my child!
Often we, parents, pass on our own attitude to the world to our children. At the same time, we do not check, but how effective it is for building relationships. Let us return, for example, to the story of the girl Lisa.
There was another girl in the company. The prettiest, well-dressed. Very cute, until one of the boys bumped into her while running past. Immediately there were threats to call my mother, who now "will come and ask everyone to remember." The attitude of the mother to others was evident through the words of the child.
The girl was persistent, demanded an apology. And she didn't leave herself a chance. The boys turned their attention to her. And the more she threatened them, the more negative their attitude against her became.
The bewilderment of the anal-visual mother is understandable when her daughter comes home and asks why they call me names at school? Of course, mom will swear. She does not know that her own grievances, bad experiences, fears make her perceive the whole world as hostile and affect her daughter.
The child does not yet have his own view of the world. He simply takes from our shoulders onto his children's shoulders all our unresolved problems, hidden grievances, pain, fears. Is your child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should not sprinkle ashes on your head either. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone away.
By reviewing your own condition, you can radically change the fate of the child. Confirmed whose parents changed their attitude towards life:
“It is very difficult to notice changes in yourself sometimes. But children are our mirrors. And I have a very strong bond with my daughter. I was worried about this, I really wanted her to grow up not as notorious as me. And what I just didn’t do (visits to a psychologist, books, etc., etc.), but my daughter “removed” everything from me ...
And then, during my training, I began to notice changes in my daughter - she seemed to have matured (mentally), relations with classmates improved, she is no longer an outcast in the class, whom everyone calls names. Naturally, she began to go to school with great pleasure and open up. And then I realized that I am not the same as I was a couple of months ago! And I feel like this is just the beginning!
The child is called names - how to help? develop
The development of the child's qualities is the second component of his ability to fit into the team. Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan shows that the inclinations, talents, desires of the child are innate, you just need to recognize and support them.
The difficulty is that the desires and properties of the child do not always coincide with the desires and properties of the mother and father. The parent may not understand this. He is my flesh and blood! If a parent tries to remake the child's innate qualities, the child's development will slow down. And then the fact that he gets called names at school will be just the tip of the iceberg.
For example, a child is called a “brake”. This happens with children who have. Driven at home by a skin mom, he is in constant stress, the consequences of which are stupor and the fear of embarrassment, which is innate for the anal vector. Such a child is probably afraid to go to the blackboard, it is difficult for him to quickly answer the teacher's questions - that's why he falls under the "sight" of his classmates. The more a child is called names for slowness, the more his teachers and parents rush him, the more difficult it is to learn this potential golden child, who is given all the qualities by nature to become a better student.
Or the kid is called “bespectacled” at school, not so much because of the glasses, but because he is not like the others, fear flickers in his eyes. The root of his states is that there are no conditions for the development of properties. Because of this, it is difficult for a child to create emotional bonds with other children, he is afraid of everything. And as a result, he becomes a “victim” for his peers.
In fact, if you notice these first bells in time, understand the reasons, then a difficult situation can be corrected exactly the opposite.
From minus to plus one step
There are no bad vectors, there are undeveloped and unrealized ones. In order to allow the innate properties of the child to develop, to favorably influence his adaptation at school, for starters, parents need to know about them.
The child cries from every little thing, at school they call him a “crybaby” - how do parents know that this indicates his enormous emotional potential. About the fact that he can become the best in a vocal or theater studio and thereby win the respect of his peers?
A child with an anal vector is potentially a best friend for life. And the little owner is able to become an ideological inspirer for the school, raise its authority with its academic achievements, put together the most fashionable musical band, in the end. Parents should know all this in order to help the child succeed.
Systemic vector psychology helps parents understand how to recognize his strengths and develop them. It helps to understand one's own state, to feel confident in the future. After all, we parents are the window through which the child looks into the adult world. And may this window never be curtained by our bad states. Let it be wide open for our children, for a happy life!
If your child is called names at school, start with Yuri Burlan's free online lectures "Systemic Vector Psychology". .
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»The child is teased at school. It doesn’t matter what exactly was the reason for this for classmates - tall or, on the contrary, short stature, some other lack of appearance, a character trait, and so on. "Teasers", offensive nicknames, constant ridicule traumatize the child, especially if he is naturally vulnerable and shy. There are times when this situation gets out of control and becomes irreversible. The child perceives school only as a place where he is subjected to bullying. This can affect his self-esteem, academic performance and, ultimately, his state of mind.
What should parents do in this case? What to do if your child is teased by classmates, if because of ridicule he does not want to go to school?
Psychologists advise parents not to interfere, at least openly, in the conflict of children. Your intervention will not cause other children to treat the child differently.
Classmates will not stop teasing, they will not understand that they are hurting someone. On the contrary, it is likely that the intercession of the elders will finally turn classmates against your child. They will not play with him on equal terms, they will not accept him into their company - he is a “sneak”, he could not cope on his own, but brought his parents.
Thus, the desire to personally deal with the offenders or the demand that the teacher “stop these bullying” by her authority will most likely lead to the isolation of the child in the circle of peers. In addition, the baby will draw another conclusion: he is not able to cope with difficulties on his own, he needs the help of adults. This will deprive him of self-respect and self-confidence. And, paradoxically, it will prevent him from respecting his own parents. After all, the child turned to them for help, and their intervention only worsened his situation.
How can you help your child in such a difficult situation?
Some parents advise children to deal with bullies in the most effective way. In most cases, such advice boils down to one thing: to find out the relationship directly, openly asking what does not suit the scoffers. Often these clarifications immediately turn into a fight, in which the one who is right does not always win.
In fairness, it must be said that such tactics sometimes lead to positive results. Participation in a fight, even if the victory was not absolute, quite often helps the child to assert himself. But you shouldn't get carried away with it.
English psychologist Doris Brett, a practicing physician, an experienced specialist in child psychology, believes that it is not worth allowing a child to establish himself in the idea that any problem can be solved with his fists. On the contrary, it would be useful to show that it is possible to get out of the situation with honor in other ways, and to make the child understand that he is quite capable of doing this.
For this the child will need the help of parents who must convince him that the trouble is not with the one who is teased, but with the one who does it. The child should be made to understand that a person who is completely happy and satisfied with himself, his appearance, his character and self-confident will not pay attention to the shortcomings of others, even if these shortcomings are real.
There is a very effective way to deal with offenders: do not show how these “teasers” offend you, do not make it clear that you take them to heart.
Dr. Brett suggests that the conversation go something like this:
“Do you complain that Ira teases you all the time, and other girls pick up her words? I understand that this is terribly annoying. To the point that you want to cry. But crying won't solve the problem. Tell me, did you cry at school? It didn’t come to tears, but you were upset, and the girls saw it? And what, after that they immediately stopped teasing you? Started to treat you better? No, it was quite the opposite.
So let's think, how can we be? Of course I can talk to them. But it seems to me that as soon as I leave, and you are left alone, everything will start again. What do you think?
Perhaps we will act differently: no matter how difficult it may be, you will pretend that you are very confused by their words. Yes, it's not easy. But think about what Ira and her friends are trying to achieve? Make you upset. And so far it has happened.
And you try to do otherwise. Smile. Think girls spend so much time and energy to make you sad. It's really funny and stupid.
Why do you think Ira wants so much to draw the attention of other guys to your shortcomings? Perhaps she is not very confident in herself, otherwise she would not have acted like this. If you laugh, you will show that all her words are just nonsense, and she does not behave too smart. And others will soon understand. And they will also understand: if these words make you laugh, then all the “teasers” are not about you, and it will become completely uninteresting to laugh at you.
As Dr. Brett points out, practice shows that it is not easy to convince a child that such behavior is really a real way out. And here, as always, a good example will help. Tell your child how you or one of your friends or relatives found yourself in a similar situation at one time.
The name of a famous actor, athlete or just a familiar person who managed to cope with a similar situation thanks to such a simple but effective method will also make a big impression.
It is necessary to try to convince the child that he needs to act on his own. “After all, mom and dad will not always be with you. So, you need to learn to protect yourself."
As for the question of transferring a child who is teased by classmates to another school, it is impossible to give an unambiguous answer to it. It all depends on the specific situation.
The vast majority of psychologists advise trying to sort out the conflict on the spot, regardless of whether you transfer your child to another school or leave it in the same one. Otherwise, a relapse of the same conflict situation may well arise in the new team.
After all, the child simply ran away "from the battlefield." And such a humiliating situation for him (turned out to be a loser without even trying to win) will certainly make itself felt in a new place. Let the school be different, but the parents transferred the load of problems together with their son or daughter to this team. And if the situation in the new school repeats itself, the child, instead of defending his position, again wants to simply avoid further trouble and leave all the difficulties behind, shifting the burden onto the shoulders of the parents.
Before the baby goes to a new class, it is recommended to talk with him, analyze the causes of the conflict and discuss together how to act in order to prevent the repetition of troubles in a new place.
It often happens that the established reputation of “crybaby”, “quiet”, “tough” does not allow the child to improve relations with classmates, even if he, on the advice of his parents, changes his behavior.
Changing behavior without preparation is extremely difficult even for an adult, old habits often take over, and this is in the order of things. Explain to the child that this is quite natural, because he is not a robot. Let the child remain himself, but try to be more self-critical, monitor his behavior and not repeat previous mistakes.
Six strategies for dealing with teasing
The state of being a victim can eventually turn into an acquired behavior. But this is not the only possible response to malicious ridicule. Therefore, from an early age it is necessary to instill in children the ability to stand up for themselves. See →
How to teach your child to stand up for themselves
This is one of the most burning questions. He excites both moms and dads, but dads, probably, still more.
“Life is cruel,” the men say. - It is necessary to break through with a fight, and we have a slobber growing.
Moreover, as a rule, those fathers who themselves did not know how to stand up for themselves in childhood, and in adulthood do not painfully resemble Rimbaud or James Bond, are indignant about filial slobbering. However, it is understandable. We all want our children not to repeat our mistakes and to be happier than us. See →
How can you help your child build relationships with classmates?
It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation that has developed in the team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts than to allow the situation to get out of control. In such a situation, parents turn to the school psychologist for help. See →
The most important thing to remember is: the position of the child in the classroom up to adolescence is 90% dependent on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - for all 100. Therefore, if a child does not develop relationships with classmates, the teacher can solve the problem by giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he has something (it doesn’t matter what, at least wipe off the board) is the best, that he is important and needed in class. See →
How to make a child popular
Many parents, when their children complain about social rejection, say that being popular isn't all that important. But if they thought for a second and remembered their own childhood, they would understand how deeply mistaken they are. Being popular is necessary, and perhaps this is one of the most important heights that children can achieve. Cm.
Someone was teased by classmates, but someone himself harshly ridiculed objectionable people. Having matured, everyone is aware of the senselessness of such "children's pranks" and, of course, wants to protect their child from bullying.
Why do kids tease peers?
Any children's team, for all the ugliness of such a comparison, most of all resembles a flock. Far from tolerance, small people respect the strongest, and they try to expel the weak from their circle. Most often, it is the leader who starts the persecution, the choice of the victim also belongs to him. Moreover, an unusual name, appearance, wardrobe, hobby, level of knowledge, nationality or manner of speaking can become a reason for ridicule. There is practically no way to raise a “universal child” that everyone would like and be protected from peer attacks, so it would be more correct to teach a student in advance to rebuff offenders in a variety of situations.
How to prepare your child for a meeting with a new team
Roles within the school team are distributed in the first 6-9 months of study with primary school students, and then undergo some changes during the transitional age, which falls on grades 7-9. Therefore, it is necessary to teach a child the simple principles of psychological self-defense even before entering the first grade. By the way, children who went to kindergarten are more socialized and able to fend for themselves than those who were brought up at home.
Even if your child is an extrovert who easily joins any team, a month before September 1, choose a time and talk with him, and then repeat the conversation a couple of days before the start of training. The main message that you should try to convey to the child is that although he will make many new interesting friends at school, there may be guys among his classmates who will not like him. This does not mean that he is bad or "not like that", nor does it mean that other children are bad.
In addition, the child must be sure that he can always tell you about any school incident, and you will not send him to figure it out on his own, but delve into the problem and find a way out of the situation. Explain to the kid that in the new team he will have to follow a lot of rules and show maximum friendliness, because the people he meets will accompany him for many years.
How to deal with aggressors
If, in spite of everything, classmates still began to tease the child, do not delay solving this problem, because it seriously poisons the life of a student. Trying to eliminate it on his own, he can at least start skipping classes. Talk to the offspring, find out exactly who is teasing him and why, and then try to eliminate the cause.
If you are teased for ridiculous glasses, order a stylish frame for them or ask an optometrist to choose the best lenses. If for fullness or thinness - take care of the physical form of the child and update his wardrobe. If for excellent knowledge, advise me to brag less and give more often to write off. It is also important to consider who exactly is teasing the child - the whole class or a few people. Indeed, in the second case, radical measures are not required: it will be enough for the student to calmly talk with the offender, to demonstrate to him his indifference to attacks.
If, after eliminating one reason, a new one was immediately found, then the child needs to change the style of behavior. For this:
· Enroll him in the sports section or circle that he has long dreamed of. New acquaintances, areas of interest and achievements will distract him and make school problems less significant. By the way, both boys and girls are often helped to gain confidence by visiting a martial arts school.
· Go with your child to a child psychologist to teach the student to control their emotions and respond to ridicule with indifference or humor.
· Advise your child on films and books in which the main character was not loved by classmates, which did not prevent him from becoming successful and famous.
· Tell us about world stars who have also been ridiculed by their peers. Perhaps the children will not be so hurt when they learn that the silent Victoria Beckham was called Sticky Vicky (nasty Vicki), the charismatic George Clooney was teased by Frankenstein due to partial facial paralysis, Angelina Jolie was called a rabbit for her prominent front teeth, and everyone's favorite Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) was known to his classmates as "Mr Stinky".
Finally, tell your child that school is just one of the stages of his development, and most of the people whose opinion now seems important, in ten years, he will not even be able to remember by name, leafing through the school photo album.
