What to do if the child is called names at school. Teasing at school child tips for dealing with the situation

many parents the situation is familiar when a child comes home from school in tears and complains that at school he is now called not by his name, but by his nickname. Children's nicknames are actually not always offensive, they can mean something or mean nothing. Therefore, do not immediately get upset and take active steps to immediately punish the offender.

Nickname may be formed from the name, surname, appearance and behavior of the child. So the boy Sergei always becomes Gray in the class, the girl Solovyova - the Nightingale. Such nicknames may not be offensive to the child, because this is usually what everyone is called at school, he is not alone in this case. A child worries when his nickname is offensive and only his classmates call him that. For example, if boys named Michael are all called Mishka, but only one Mishak or Donkey.

rich ground for nicknames gives physique, height, facial expressions, clothing and health. If the child is well-fed, then you should not be surprised that at school he received the nickname "Fat Man". A child wearing glasses will definitely be called "Bespectacled". These nicknames, of course, are insulting for the child, but the parents themselves are to blame for the fact that they call him that way.

Before thinking about how force offenders to respect your child and not call him names, think that an offensive nickname never appears from scratch. If a child is overweight, steps should be taken to help him lose weight. You can’t give a child names without thinking about how his peers might call him names. It is better to call a child a difficult name than a short but derisive one. For example, instead of giving the child the name Edik, call him Edward and try to address him by this name yourself.

Everyone knows that children teasing Edik as a fagot. Such a nickname can ruin a child's life. If the surname of the child is conducive to the fact that you want to laugh at him, then you should think about changing the surname. The names and surnames of the child should not cause the development of complexes in the child, because parents choose them for their children.

Children are very painful react to offensive nicknames and seek support from their parents. Advise the child: do not respond to the nickname, it is not correct in all cases. This can be done by a child who is self-confident, does not suffer from low self-esteem and has friends at school. If the child is not very active and does not have an iron character, then it can be very difficult for the child to fight offenders alone. In this case, it is useless to answer the nickname with indifference, the further he ignores, the more he will be teased. To avoid this, start working on improving your child's self-esteem. Praise him more often, help him accept and love himself.

Let him know that if called " bespectacled", then this is not a reason for resentment, because many famous people wear glasses. For example, Bell Gates was called "bespectacled man" at school, but he became the most successful person in the world. Give examples from the life of other celebrities and explain how to avoid a nickname in childhood succeeds in units, you just need to calmly respond to them.The task of parents is to convince the child that he is handsome and can be liked even in the appearance that he has.For example, if he has red hair, convince him that they are golden, and if the nose is too long, tell him that he has a Roman profile.

Even in kindergarten, teach your child to give fight back offender, leaving the last word and thereby protect himself from the nickname. Preschool children should know rhyming phrases to shout back to the offender. For example, “whoever calls names is called himself”, “there are no long people, only the tongue is long”, “you call me names - you translate them into yourself”, “I didn’t even know that you were called that, I’m glad to meet you” etc. It's one thing when a child barely audibly mumbles to himself "he's like that", another - when he confidently answers: "a hungry crocodile was walking, swallowed your word."

Complexity of children who constantly being called names at school can cause him to withdraw into himself, begin to study poorly and, deep down, hate his parents for not taking his problems seriously. Therefore, one should not ignore the complaints of such a child that he is called names at school. First set the child positively.

Ask him about teasing others children, tell him how you yourself were teased at school, and how you managed to overcome resentment towards peers. In many schools, the leader in the class is the one who has a hooligan character and does not study well. Other children try to imitate him, and those who do not want to become as bad as the rest are called names to force him to obey the leader. In such cases, the situation often comes to fights, where the child can even get injured. The inaction of parents can negatively affect not only the mental, but also the physical development of the child.

It is necessary to intervene in the situation, taking into account circumstances. First, come to the school, talk to the teacher and the principal of the school. If the class teacher cannot cope with the problem on his own, then talk to your child's offender yourself or go to his parents. If a child studies well and differs from his peers in exemplary behavior, you should think about transferring him to another school, where the level of knowledge of other children is also high.

Once in an environment where everyone children will be the same as him, they will stop calling him names and he will grow up in a calm environment. If the child himself behaves ridiculously and the fact that he is teased is connected with problems of his character, then transferring to another school is also not an option. At the new school, new classmates will also begin to call him names. In this case, it is necessary to re-educate the child himself and help him cope with problems in communicating with other children.

Not all children, unfortunately, are lucky to be in a class where everyone is friends. The situation is quite rare. Basically, there are always a few people who bully and tease the rest of the children. What to do if a child is offended at school, how to react, with whom to deal with and how to behave in this situation for parents? Let's try to understand this topic today.

How to determine in time that a child is being bullied at school

Children rarely turn to their parents for help. Sometimes they are ashamed to admit that they are offended, and sometimes they are simply afraid to complain. They are afraid that parents will go to school to deal with offenders, and then it will become even worse. There are cases when children's cruelty goes beyond all limits, and the child is simply intimidated. How to understand that your son or daughter really has serious problems?

1. Refusal to go to school. This situation should immediately alert mom and dad, because the main and real reason may not be problems with studies, but because the child is bad at school and in the team. Children do not want to share such problems with their parents, they often become isolated, and their academic performance is rapidly falling.
2. Sometimes parents don't even know that their child is skipping school or that the situation is already critical until the child starts coming home with bruises and abrasions and in tears.
3. If a son or daughter already in the morning begins to come up with a reason not to go to class, then it is worth starting a conversation, only in a calm tone. If you have a trusting relationship in your family, then, most likely, the child will share his experiences. But, if your relationship with your offspring is strained, then do not particularly expect his revelations.
4. Regular tardiness, poor grades should alert any parent. If the son or daughter is in their teens, then do not write off everything as a crisis. Perhaps the situation is somewhat different, and your direct intervention is required.

5. Inspect the child's belongings periodically. If your student often comes in dirty and wrinkled clothes, his personal belongings constantly break or disappear, then you will have to accept this wake-up call and stop closing your eyes.

Which of the children is most often humiliated at school

All children can fall into the group of “offended and offended”. Much depends on the upbringing and atmosphere in the family, the relationship between parents and children. Sometimes moms and dads, unwittingly, can be the reason that their children are subjected to violence and bullying by classmates.

• Very often, some external shortcomings of the child become the subject of ridicule and insults: bad teeth, protruding ears, overweight or small (tall) growth. A different nationality and, accordingly, other habits and traditions cause irritation and a desire to make fun of other children in the class.
• When for some reason you changed school, and in the old one your child was a leader, it will be extremely difficult for him to win a leading position in a new team. After all, he has no friends or buddies in the class yet. And they may not appear if you do not have a conversation with your son or daughter. Support the child and explain that you don't have to be a leader to be respected. It is enough to be an interesting person and a well-mannered, benevolent person.
• If the child is in conflict. Pugnacity in boys is not unusual, so take a closer look. If, after such a scuffle, your son behaves quite normally, and does not withdraw into himself, then nothing particularly terrible has happened. Although, if such situations occur regularly, then you will have to go to school and find out what is really happening. It is possible that your bully himself provokes conflicts in the class and is the instigator of strife.

In this case, it is necessary to conduct an educational conversation with the child at home, limit computer games that actively develop cruelty in children, and violence, including physical violence, is promoted as a norm of behavior.

• Children from dysfunctional families are especially negatively treated. They usually do not have expensive things, phones, they look untidy, and often do not study well.
• If the child is quiet, inactive and not taught to fight back, then those who are accustomed to rudeness and arrogance at home can take advantage of this. In this case, you need to come to the school and find out the circumstances. If necessary, you need to meet with the parents of these children and with the class teacher. You must stand up for your child.
• A special group are children with psychological problems or children of choleric temperament. It is possible to take such a child out of himself in a matter of minutes. And then such a revolution begins that teachers with experience cannot always cope. For classmates, such situations cause genuine interest and revival. Therefore, if your son or daughter is choleric and easily excitable children, then teachers should be warned, and, if necessary, classmates.

There are also completely unexpected reasons, especially in high school: unrequited love, some cases where an incident or misunderstanding happened to a child. This can lead to the fact that childish cruelty and herding in the face of classmates will plague the unfortunate child for a long time until adults intervene.

Tips for parents on what to do if their child is being bullied at school

1. Many busy dads and moms do not interfere until the last moment, until the on-duty question: “How are you at school?” find out that it is there that their child has not appeared for a long time. Do not bring the situation to a critical point. Because then it will be extremely difficult to help the child return to a normal psycho-emotional state.

2. Parents should find that golden mean when their outward calmness will not betray their anxiety and the actions already taken to normalize the situation. On the one hand, you must enable children to learn how to make their own decisions and stand up for themselves. But, on the other hand, when you see that a son or daughter is being physically abused and the cruelty of children has gone beyond what is permitted in the classroom, you simply have to react.

3. Ask the child who offends him. Specify whether this is done by one person or several. How long has all this been happening and how does he himself react to such actions of offenders. All this information is necessary for you so that you can correct your behavior, as well as your son or daughter in this situation. Perhaps it will be enough to talk with the child at home, and in difficult cases, you will have to connect a teacher and a school psychologist.

4. If bodily humiliation is added to insults, it is urgent to sound the alarm. Your parental responsibilities include direct protection of your child, talking to him in private, talking with the class teacher, with children who offend, and with their parents. Reach out to everyone who, in one way or another, is involved in beatings and insults.

5. In a conversation with a child, it is important to focus on the fact that ridicule and offensive words should be answered not with tears and reciprocal insults, but completely calmly, that is, not be led to provocations. Then such a person automatically ceases to arouse interest, because he does not shout, does not get into a fight, but shows strength and dignity.

6. Often, children who are too shy or homebodies are attacked by other students. Try to socialize such a child as much as possible. Write him down in a sports or other section of interest. There, your son or daughter will be able to find new friends, gain new knowledge and skills, which will greatly increase his self-esteem. Gradually, the attitude at school towards the child will change for the better.

7. The same advice applies to overly aggressive children. In which, just like the shy, self-esteem suffers. They try to draw attention to themselves with negative actions. They get the same answer. By enrolling such a child in the sports section, you will solve several problems at once: increase the self-esteem of your son or daughter, make him a calmer person who no longer needs to prove anything. If your child has won an award in competitions or contests, bring it to school. At the rulers and class hours, teachers usually necessarily talk about this.

8. Sometimes children are abused by other students because they don't know how to communicate. Teach your child a few techniques for effective communication. Talk to him about situations in which he could apply the new skills. Try to go out with him more often where he can communicate a lot, meet new people.

9. Teach your children to support others. A child who can say to another person: “You run great!” or “Great throw, well done!” - always has faithful and reliable friends. If you want your son or daughter to have many friends, teach him this simple technique of positive communication.

10. Try to keep the child always neat, and he had pocket money for a buffet and for some of his necessary little things. If your child has moved to a different school, you can invite new classmates over so the kids can get to know each other better. Help your child adjust quickly.

Conclusion

In the modern world, children, under the influence of constant scenes of violence and cruelty shown on TV screens, on the Internet, can reach very cruel acts. And teachers, for whom respect is not brought up by parents, often do not have any authority and cannot influence the situation. What to do if a child is offended at school, a family or school psychologist can tell.

In order for the child to feel comfortable in the classroom, it is necessary to regularly take an interest in his affairs, go to school for parent-teacher meetings and for conversations with teachers. Not defiantly, but adequately support and protect the child, do not stand aside.

Try to make sure that your son or daughter always comes to school clean and tidy. If your child has problems with the appearance (bad teeth, overweight), then it is your direct responsibility to solve them. Protect the child not only in words, but also in deeds.

I hope the article was useful to you. Write in the comments what you think about the topic of the article.

Good luck and be patient!

Your Tatiana Kemishis

If a child is called names at school, then a clear answer to the question: “What is the reason for this? "It's impossible to give. To help in these situations, they should be treated individually.

Raising children, we prepare them for society. The first groups in which children communicate are a nursery and a kindergarten. But there they are small, and their actions can be stimulated by educators from outside.

In the children's team of the school, especially among adolescents, relationships between children are tied up on their own. They themselves determine leaders, find partners for communication, decide who is friend and who is enemy.

Teenagers have their own rankings, and it often happens that the roles are predetermined from the outside.

The influence of the school on the child is enormous. They spend most of their time there. By the behavior of the child at home, you can understand what place he occupies in the team.

An experienced psychologist sees at a glance whether a child is being bullied at school.

If he differs from everyone else in appearance, has a physical handicap, slow behavior, does not know how to please - we can already say that he is the number one candidate for the role of an outcast. You can poison and call names for an awkward word, for a mistake in a lesson, for independent thinking, for being dressed poorer than the rest.

Sometimes the teacher deliberately provokes the class leader to show aggression in order to keep the team in line. Unfortunately, this happens frequently.

Child abuse is not uncommon. With aggression, children meet from childhood. Many see cruelty in the family - their parents bring them up that way. Computer games also provoke cruelty; films are constantly shown on TV in which the leaders of gangster groups are the heroes. Children absorb all this, and then project it onto their own lives, asserting themselves at the expense of their peers. Very often, children from dysfunctional families, in order to raise their self-esteem, choose to bully someone of a higher rank in social origin, but weaker. It is important to understand in time what status the child has in the children's team.

To do this is simple, to analyze the mood of the child during the preparations for school and after returning from it.

In the event that a teenager goes to class reluctantly, feigns some kind of illness, and after returning home, runs away to the bath to clumsily wash away the blood or hide torn clothes, then we can safely assume that he is being bullied at school.

What to do if the child is called names at school and humiliated? First of all, do not leave the child alone with the problem, do not ignore him, provide moral support. But at the same time, in no case should you act without consulting him.

It is necessary to clearly understand how the persecution began, how many people from the team call names, how are the rest set up?

Children are very suspicious. Sometimes calling names is a way to attract attention, to seem interesting.

It may also be that children themselves provoke those who attack them, even if unconsciously.

They stand out too much from the general mass - and not with the mind, they treat their peers with contempt. They themselves tried to take the leadership position, but failed.

In the case when they call names for appearance - carelessness, untidiness - you will have to talk not with the offenders, but with the child himself.

If bullying in the team over the weak manifests itself in the lower grades, it is imperative to talk with the teacher. At this age, teacher authority is sometimes enough to stop such an attitude.

There are parents who, together with the child, begin to come up with reciprocal nicknames for offenders. This is not the way to do it.

Instead of stopping aggression, children learn to respond in a similar way and continue the conflict situation. In this case, a verbal skirmish can develop into a physical impact and damage to health will be done. And this is much worse.

Although "give change" the child needs to be taught. Your best bet is to write it down in the power section. This is useful for general development, it will teach you to stand up for yourself, to communicate in another team. Usually in sports sections of a similar orientation, there is a wonderful discipline and the coach achieves respect for each other from his pupils. This will help children resolve conflicts at school.

Both boys and girls can now be enrolled in the wrestling or boxing section. As soon as the child learns to defend himself, from the section - if he wants, he can leave.

If a child is called names at school, you can offer several ways out of this situation.

Transfer him to another school. But this solution is only an extreme case. If the child really stands out externally, or has physical disabilities, there is no guarantee that the situation will not happen again.

It may also be that children, having learned from out-of-school acquaintances why they had to leave the past team, will double the bullying. New ones will be added to old nicknames and offensive phrases.

Of course, if it is possible to transfer a teenager to an elite school, where there are only a few people in each class, then the situation will not repeat itself. But it is unlikely that parents with an above-average standard of living will send their children to an ordinary secondary school and even endure bullying of a child.

The next way is to talk to the leader of the offenders yourself. If these are junior classes, then you can ask the son of friends, a neighbor's boy who studies at the same school. You can even scare this presumptuous leader in words. It often happens that after the offenders understand that they can be punished for their “exploits”, they fall behind the chosen “victim”. Sometimes it pays to ask a teacher. The conflict can stop the conversation in the presence of the conflicting parties, with parents and class teachers. It is also possible to invite a psychologist.

Classes with a psychologist help children understand themselves, find the cause of the conflict, understand why everything is happening. It is desirable that the child agrees to classes with a psychologist or psychotherapist without parental pressure.

Parental love can also help a child. When he has physical disabilities, it is impossible to hide from some offensive words. Let parental love in the midst of cruelty not let the little person feel like an outcast.

In no case, even if the child provokes offensive words with his behavior, do not try to attack him, poking his nose at mistakes. The child's psyche is unstable. The child will only see that everything around him is against him, including the closest people. And this is a direct path to depression.

It is great if parents not only analyze the current situation together with the child, but also select suitable literature or films for him. Many American directors and writers devoted their works to this issue.

When solving the issue of name-calling, analyzing the situation, you need to be very careful. Sometimes children, having understood how to avoid offensive words, join the "strong" ones and begin to mock the weakest along with the rest, as if to avenge the humiliation they experienced.

To prevent this from happening, the child needs to be occupied. He must have friends not only at school.

It is imperative to pay attention to the social problems of children that arise in a team. When a child is called names, when he is not respected and bullied, this is reflected in his studies, and lays down behavioral characteristics that can interfere with success in life. It is very important for parents to form a personality out of a small person who is able to make decisions independently, defend their opinion and not bend under the opinion of the team, so as not to hear offensive words.

There is another method - to teach the child to perceive the situation with a certain amount of irony and a little detached.

For example, when alluding to physical disabilities, answer: "Yes, I know." When emphasizing any oddities - answer "do not envy."

When the "callers" begin to understand that their words do not offend, leave indifferent, they retreat.

The most important thing is not to leave the child alone in a difficult situation. The child should know that the parents are on his side in any case.

Solving the social problems of children is very important. In childhood, the behavior of children in difficult life situations is laid. If the child is not helped, he will not succeed in life.

At one time, the famous satirist Mikhail Zadornov said that you should never respond to an insult with an insult. After all, when a dog barks at a person, he does not get on all fours, does not bare his teeth and does not bark in response. But our world is not ideal and, unfortunately, not only adults, but also children are forced to face different forms of aggression. Our children face aggressive behavior and insults in kindergarten, school, on the street. Quite often, quite cute kids begin to show verbal aggression - call names, be cheeky not only to their peers, but also to their parents, adults. This behavior often confuses even the most experienced teachers. In such situations, adults are often lost, let alone children! How should a child behave in response to verbal aggression? In this article, we will consider the behavioral options of children and their parents, we will try to understand what can cause verbal (verbal) aggression on the part of the child, we will get acquainted with the recommendations of psychologists and teachers.

Causes of children's insults and name-calling

Child psychologists name 5 main reasons that provoke a child to aggressive verbal (verbal) behavior.

• Conscious verbal aggression . The child deliberately offends and angers peers, parents.
• Lack of attention. The child thus tries to attract the attention of others. Very often, name-calling in this case does not carry with it the desire to offend or offend anyone - rather, to amuse. This is a kind of provocation.
• Revenge . The child insults in revenge for humiliation or out of envy.
• Habit . In the family, it is customary to use obscene language when communicating. The child calls names out of habit, not out of malice.
• Low self-esteem associated with "non-standard" appearance . Physical defects make the child complex. His peers call him names - "bespectacled", "Pinocchio", "fat trust". Aggression accumulates in the child, which spills out in the form of insults and name-calling.

Most child psychologists believe that verbal aggression is based on insufficient attention from parents, unmet children's needs. Namely, the lack of approval from adults, the inability of the child to communicate with peers, his low self-esteem.

What to do if your child is being bullied?

As a rule, if a child is offended, he first of all turns to adults for help. Most attentive and loving parents themselves notice that something is happening to their child. They try to talk heart to heart with him and find out the reason for the aggression directed at him by his peers. The main task of adults is to help the child get out of this situation without much loss.

How to understand that your child is offended if he is silent and does not complain? Pay attention to his behavior.

1. One of the signs of verbal aggression can be , school . He comes up with all sorts of reasons to stay at home.
2. The child is depressed all week, and on the eve of the weekend he is relaxed and cheerful.
3. The kid may complain of headaches, abdominal pain. But, having received permission to stay at home, he immediately begins to jump, jump and frolic.

Attentive parents immediately understand that their child in kindergarten, school feels restless. Psychologists warn parents that how comfortable their child feels in a team directly affects his mental and mental development, as well as emotional intelligence.

The consequences of childhood grievances can turn into serious problems in adulthood: low self-esteem, indecision, isolation, the development of all kinds of complexes, anger, etc.

Many parents mistakenly believe that the cause of bullying in the children's team is most often the features of the child's appearance or the social status of his family. Experts say that any child can become the object of insults and ridicule. One mistake, wrong step and the child becomes an outcast. Children's society is quite cruel. In this case, family relationships are of great importance. If the child behaves confidently and calmly, evil jokes and insults quickly stop. According to experts, apathetic, insecure children, children from dysfunctional families, as well as those who themselves provoke a negative attitude towards themselves, are most often exposed to verbal aggression.

How should parents of children who are constantly offended not behave?

• Do not leave your child alone with their difficulties. "Deal with it yourself!" - in this case, this is not an option.
• You do not need to immediately transfer the child to another kindergarten, school. Of course, sometimes a transfer to another institution is possible, but this is a last resort. There is no guarantee that the situation will not repeat itself in another school.
• You should not attempt to resolve conflict situations on your own - deal with classmates, teachers, educators. Intervention of parents in a child's conflict can only aggravate the situation and increase aggression towards the child.
• Do not interfere in the situation without discussing your actions with the child. Parents should listen to the opinion of the child, trust him.

What to do if a child is being bullied?

• Talk heart to heart with your child. During a confidential conversation, ask the child to answer the main question “Why did he become the object of insults?” What did he or she do wrong to the "attacking" side? If nothing, then the reason is the bad upbringing of the offender. If your child initially acted incorrectly, then the parents should understand the reason for his act, discuss the problem and together try to find a way out of this situation. Psychologists in this case recommend that parents arrange a children's holiday, where children will have the opportunity to try on and make friends.
• Explain to your child that verbal aggression is most often used by insecure and weak people. That is why the child should feel for them not anger, but pity. You are stronger than the offender, so do not pay attention to his attacks. Smile and move on. Sometimes the most powerful weapon is kindness. The offender must understand that he will not succeed in asserting himself at your expense, and his desire to attack will disappear.
• If the reason for the “taunts” is non-standard appearance (too fat, has a scar, has to wear glasses, etc.), teach your child to ignore such attacks. Explain to him that you should not pay attention to offensive nicknames, nicknames. Do not react too violently to offenders, thereby showing them your weakness. The best weapon in this case may be complete disregard. Offenders are waiting for tears, tantrums, and not the absence of any reaction. A few days will pass and they will get tired of coming up with new nicknames. It is very important that children take their "unusual" calmly. Parents can unobtrusively tell their child about people with physical disabilities who have achieved serious victories in life and become an example for others.
• If the problem has gone too far, and the child has become a real "outcast" in the class, you can turn to the class teacher for help. Psychologists in this case recommend that teachers conduct a class hour on the topic "Verbal aggression and cruelty." As part of the class hour, organize viewing of such films as: "The Ugly Duckling" (for younger students) and "Scarecrow" (for high school students).
• Some teachers believe that it is advisable to enroll an insecure child who is constantly being attacked by peers in a sports section. As a rule, strong children who have achieved good sports results do not care much for verbal aggression. By the way, most often no one has a desire to offend them.
• In special cases, parents can call the helpline and get detailed advice from a child psychologist.

Very often, young children utter offensive words without realizing their meaning. In this case, it is enough to simply convey to them that these words are indecent and it is best to remove them from your vocabulary.

Some parents are convinced that the most intelligible response to an insult is force. Hit the offender, and any desire to attack him will disappear. Nothing like that, do not forget that aggression breeds even greater aggression. Holding a grudge, the enemy can attack "from the back." And in this case, the verbal battle will develop into physical aggression.

Psychologist Natalia Naumenko :

It is important to convey to the child a simple thought: if someone says nasty things about you, this is not your problem, but his. Teaching a child to respond correctly to insults without rushing into battle on every occasion will not work quickly. This is a painstaking work, it takes three or four months. And sometimes it is necessary to remove the child from the environment where he is being bullied. If there is no acceptance of the environment, one cannot work on self-esteem. You can pick up your child for family education, for external studies and return him to school later. It often happens that the bullying is not the fault of the child, but the environment. For example, the classic version of the tale of the ugly duckling is a gifted child at a school in a socially disadvantaged area. We, adults, can choose the environment for ourselves - we can quit a job where we are humiliated. Children don't have that option. But we can help them by finding an environment where they will be accepted.

Psychologist Elina Zhilina :

The school can and should prevent the bullying of children, the appearance of outcasts in the classes. On the contrary, it can help children develop their best qualities, develop good communication principles: after all, it is at school that the main training of social interaction skills takes place. It is very important that teachers stop bullying in its early stages and prevent it from taking hold; A lot depends on the atmosphere in the school.

A child is always tempted to respond with force for force. He can be taught not to respond, to physically leave, to ignore the offender. And if you answer - then on a different level. This is difficult because it requires a fairly high level of self-awareness and self-confidence. But it is possible from an early age to teach a child to see what is behind the actions of another person, to understand his motives and sometimes even regret: you are unhappy, since you are so mad. This is useful, especially if you manage to achieve not proud, contemptuous pity, but sincere sympathy: how hard it is for him to live such a dirty trick.

Psychologist Arseniy Pavlovsky:

Teachers often, without understanding what the matter is, punish the one who is being bullied. The child was teased throughout the break, his things were scattered, he rushes at the offenders with his fists - then the teacher enters, and the offended one turns out to be extreme. It happens that bullying involves successful children who are liked by teachers - and the teacher does not believe the complaints about children who are in good standing with him. In fact, the teacher can sort out the conflict, listen to both sides and support the child who is being bullied. The position of the teacher is critical. In general, he should take a clear position not even against the offenders, but against the very practice of bullying - and he himself should not support it: do not make fun of the child, do not punish him in vain. And help him. First, provide emotional support. Secondly, self-esteem and self-esteem are often under attack in such a child - and the teacher can put him in a situation of success, for example, choosing tasks that the child will do well. He may even organize a support group among the children and invite the children to do something nice for a classmate.

Alas, teachers usually do not consider it necessary to intervene in children's conflicts: we must educate at home, and our duty is to teach. Nevertheless, the Law on Education imposes responsibility for the “life and health of students .... during the educational process” specifically for the school (Article 32, paragraph 3, paragraph 3). The leader in the children's team is an adult. He defines the framework of behavior and rules in his lesson. He is responsible for the safety of schoolchildren, and if they inflict beatings on each other or mental trauma, it is his fault. The school should teach not only subjects, but also the skills of social interaction: negotiate, resolve conflicts peacefully, do without assault.

If the situation with bullying is repeated over and over again in different circles of communication, we can conclude that the child has some kind of deficit in social skills. And then you need to seek help. But this is in the long term, it needs to be worked on for a long time. And here and now - it is necessary to extinguish the fire that has flared up.

How to respond to an insult - tips

1. Parents should teach their children how to respond appropriately to insults. For example, ignore the attacks of the offender. Or turn everything into a joke. For example, to attack "Fool!" You can say, “Nice to meet you! And I'm Sasha! You need to pronounce this phrase in a friendly tone, so as not to increase aggression. Or to the rude "Idiot" you can answer: "I also love Dostoevsky."
2. You can try to sort out the claims of the offender "on the shelves." That is, try to understand what exactly led the opponent into indignation. What does not suit the offender? This behavior tends to discourage the brawler and lead to a decrease in his level of aggression.
3. Aggression should never be met with aggression. Such behavior will not lead to anything good - every parent must convey this postulate to their child.
4. Psychologists advise adolescents - before responding to verbal aggression, take five deep breaths and exhale. This simple exercise will allow you to maintain peace of mind and calmly sort out a conflict situation. You can even thank the aggressive opponent for listing all the shortcomings he sees. And promise to think over his words. Saying all this you need to be calm and serious. All classmates will definitely like this position, and the "boor" will be in a stupid position.

Of course, every child is initially born kind, sensitive and sincere. It grows and changes. What it will be depends on us adults! All children need our support and understanding.

Love your children, do not leave them alone with their problems.

Is your child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should not sprinkle ashes on your head either. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone away.
By reviewing your own condition, you can radically change the fate of the child.

School bell! Like a shot from a starting pistol. He gives rise to a big race for a place in the children's team. Someone will win, someone will take an honorable second, fifth, tenth place. And someone, having heard for the first time in his address “Get out fat!” or “Hey, bespectacled man, come here!”, and will not be able to get rid of the insulting attacks of classmates. How to help him? If your child is called names at school, this is an occasion to seriously think about the reasons.

School yard, elementary school. Three boys are playing shooters. A real hurricane with pistols in their hands, irrepressible energy in their eyes! At this time, several girls sit on a bench in the yard. One of them is noticeably larger than the others. The boys see her: "Urine oily!" Without saying a word, they attack. Push, push.

The girl was dumbfounded for a second, then looked into their eyes and smiled. The boys did not understand the reaction, slightly slowed down. And she: “I understand you want to play with me! Come quickly catch up with me!- and ran. The boys were at first confused, and then enthusiastically ran after her.

Lisa immediately took control of the game into her own hands. After about twenty minutes the game became more complicated - headquarters appeared, crossings with overcoming obstacles. Looking at them, the rest of the children joined in the game. Coalitions began, plans to take over.

The girl got tired of running, sat down on a bench. While she was sitting, she plucked blades of grass and taught the girls to weave bracelets. The girls lined up for bracelets from Lisa, and the former offenders nagged nearby: “Well, Lisa, don't play with them, play with us. No, we can't live without you!"

Lisa was no longer called fat at school.

What do you think your child would do in this situation? And where to get a psychological body armor for a child, if it is?

The child is called names at school - what to do?

Moms sometimes just want to go and punish offenders. And then you understand, you can’t always fight with other people’s children. What else to do? Complain to teachers? Sending a child to combat sambo? Saying, "Pay no attention"? Transfer to another school?

If your child is being bullied at school, none of these tips will work. Why? Because very often the cause of the problem is not outside.

It is clear that the boys from the back row are from dysfunctional families, hooligans are waiting around the corner of the school, and Vasya P. has been selling spices since the second grade. It is clear that we do not give the child in ideal conditions. Increasing reports in the media about the cruelty of schoolchildren confirm this.

And yet, if only one or several children are called names in the team, this means that other children were somehow able to adapt - to arouse interest, respect, and not allow them to be humiliated, called names at school. What factors does it depend on? Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan answers - from the inner feeling of security and safety of the child.

Mom I'm safe

In fact, the feeling of security and safety of children depends on two components: the psychological state of the mother and the development of the innate properties of the child. Let's consider in more detail.

Remember the moments when you looked at the world, and it felt open, benevolent, and any obstacles could be overcome. This feeling of inner comfort is a feeling of security and safety. It is important for everyone, but for children it is a necessary component of their development. It is transmitted, for example, from man to woman, from mother to child.

It is the mother who influences the condition of the child more than others. Up to three years, her connection with the child is absolute, up to six - significant, up to puberty - still strong. The child reacts to any tension in the state of the mother: her resentment, fears, dissatisfaction. The child may not even know what is happening, he just feels that his mother feels bad and loses his sense of security and safety.

Relationships at the level of the unconscious are unmistakable. Peers feel the state of each other. A child who has lost a sense of security may begin to be called names and humiliated at school because of their appearance and other differences. Or vice versa, he may start calling children names himself. Oddly enough, from all angles it has the same reasons. In addition, school violence is a sign when, without the right influence of adults, children look for a victim who is different from others or a weak child, and unite on the principle of “all against one”. So, in a primitive way, having strayed into a flock, they are ranked, dumping hostility on the one who is weaker.

These monsters are poisoning my child!

Often we, parents, pass on our own attitude to the world to our children. At the same time, we do not check, but how effective it is for building relationships. Let us return, for example, to the story of the girl Lisa.

There was another girl in the company. The prettiest, well-dressed. Very cute, until one of the boys bumped into her while running past. Immediately there were threats to call my mother, who now "will come and ask everyone to remember." The attitude of the mother to others was evident through the words of the child.

The girl was persistent, demanded an apology. And she didn't leave herself a chance. The boys turned their attention to her. And the more she threatened them, the more negative their attitude against her became.

The bewilderment of the anal-visual mother is understandable when her daughter comes home and asks why they call me names at school? Of course, mom will swear. She does not know that her own grievances, bad experiences, fears make her perceive the whole world as hostile and affect her daughter.

The child does not yet have his own view of the world. He simply takes from our shoulders onto his children's shoulders all our unresolved problems, hidden grievances, pain, fears. Is your child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should not sprinkle ashes on your head either. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone away.

By reviewing your own condition, you can radically change the fate of the child. Confirmed whose parents changed their attitude towards life:

“It is very difficult to notice changes in yourself sometimes. But children are our mirrors. And I have a very strong bond with my daughter. I was worried about this, I really wanted her to grow up not as notorious as me. And what I just didn’t do (visits to a psychologist, books, etc., etc.), but my daughter “removed” everything from me ...

And then, during my training, I began to notice changes in my daughter - she seemed to have matured (mentally), relations with classmates improved, she is no longer an outcast in the class, whom everyone calls names. Naturally, she began to go to school with great pleasure and open up. And then I realized that I am not the same as I was a couple of months ago! And I feel like this is just the beginning!

The child is called names - how to help? develop

The development of the child's qualities is the second component of his ability to fit into the team. Training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan shows that the inclinations, talents, desires of the child are innate, you just need to recognize and support them.

The difficulty is that the desires and properties of the child do not always coincide with the desires and properties of the mother and father. The parent may not understand this. He is my flesh and blood! If a parent tries to remake the child's innate qualities, the child's development will slow down. And then the fact that he gets called names at school will be just the tip of the iceberg.

For example, a child is called a “brake”. This happens with children who have. Driven at home by a skin mom, he is in constant stress, the consequences of which are stupor and the fear of embarrassment, which is innate for the anal vector. Such a child is probably afraid to go to the blackboard, it is difficult for him to quickly answer the teacher's questions - that's why he falls under the "sight" of his classmates. The more a child is called names for slowness, the more his teachers and parents rush him, the more difficult it is to learn this potential golden child, who is given all the qualities by nature to become a better student.

Or the kid is called “bespectacled” at school, not so much because of the glasses, but because he is not like the others, fear flickers in his eyes. The root of his states is that there are no conditions for the development of properties. Because of this, it is difficult for a child to create emotional bonds with other children, he is afraid of everything. And as a result, he becomes a “victim” for his peers.

In fact, if you notice these first bells in time, understand the reasons, then a difficult situation can be corrected exactly the opposite.

From minus to plus one step

There are no bad vectors, there are undeveloped and unrealized ones. In order to allow the innate properties of the child to develop, to favorably influence his adaptation at school, for starters, parents need to know about them.

The child cries from every little thing, at school they call him a “crybaby” - how do parents know that this indicates his enormous emotional potential. About the fact that he can become the best in a vocal or theater studio and thereby win the respect of his peers?

A child with an anal vector is potentially a best friend for life. And the little owner is able to become an ideological inspirer for the school, raise its authority with its academic achievements, put together the most fashionable musical band, in the end. Parents should know all this in order to help the child succeed.

Systemic vector psychology helps parents understand how to recognize his strengths and develop them. It helps to understand one's own state, to feel confident in the future. After all, we parents are the window through which the child looks into the adult world. And may this window never be curtained by our bad states. Let it be wide open for our children, for a happy life!

If your child is called names at school, start with Yuri Burlan's free online lectures "Systemic Vector Psychology". .