Perhaps the phrase "Let's remain friends" is one of the most undesirable in a conversation between lovers. Moreover, as practice shows, most often people fail to continue communication in a friendly format. How to behave if one day your man offered to be just friends with him from now on? And is it worth trying to return it?
Will we stay or will we leave?
A couple's breakup is one of the most dramatic moments, and it seems natural for both parties to want to avoid heartache and disappointment. But what if one of the partners is still confident that the relationship can be improved, and the other has already tuned in to new life and new relationships?
Since love always involves reciprocity, parting seems to be one of the most logical options in this case. In an attempt to avoid tears and reproaches from the one who is, in fact, dumped, the initiator of the breakup may offer to "remain friends."
Do not be deceived, because this beautiful phrase, in fact, is a diplomatic formulation, implying a complete finale of relations in their usual format. The offer to remain friends often has one goal - to end the relationship as gently as possible and soften the severity of the partner's feelings.
However, there is also an egoistic component, because, by offering his former passion to remain friends, a man most often tries to avoid tears on her part and attempts to return the relationship. In general, this is one of the attempts to leave beautifully, to end the relationship that has lost its relevance on a positive note.
In truth…
If in response to an ardent declaration of love you heard an offer to remain friends, then admit honestly at least to yourself - your feelings were rejected. No, no, most likely you will be able to communicate with someone who is so dear to your heart, but this man simply does not need your love. Perhaps he has another, or you were not to his taste - if a man is interested in continuing the relationship, he will not offer friendship.
Most likely, your man simply does not have the courage to say that he is not ready for a relationship with you, and the result is a “diplomatic game” in which there can be no winners. Friendship involves sincere and open communication based on complete trust, and such an offer most often involves a lot of understatement. It’s embarrassing for you to break the very line where friendship ends and love begins. The man is also in suspense, because he understands perfectly well that you have not friendly feelings for him. And as a result, instead of sincere and easy communication, fake conversations or a complete avoidance of the one to whom friendship was recently offered are obtained.
If the beloved man offered to remain friends, then the moment has come to face the truth and admit it, no matter how painful it may seem to you. You and the object of your love have completely different expectations from communicating with each other. And if you are not ready to perceive your man only as a friend, then do not be deceived and do not harbor illusions - in such a relationship it is better to put an end to it.
Hope or self-deception?
However, not everything is so simple - it is often very difficult to put an end to a relationship with a beloved man. The hope that the relationship will be restored, and everything will be as before again, is very strong, and many women still accept the offer to "remain friends." In this, they see a reason for further communication with a man, an opportunity to transfer relations from a friendly format to a love one. However, most psychologists are convinced that this, if it happens, is extremely rare.
If you are convinced that the relationship can still be improved, then you should not confuse it even more by mixing love with friendship. It is better to honestly admit to your man that you are not ready to perceive him as a friend, that he means much more to you. You're just taking a break from the relationship. Yes, this path may be more difficult for you, but at least you both get the opportunity to calmly think things over and not hurt yourself with constant falseness in pseudo-friendly communication.
A strained-fake friendship with a beloved man does not bring relief, but stirs up a wounded heart worse than an official parting. If you accept the offer to “remain friends” only because of the hope of restoring relations, then most often this turns into a complete self-deception.
Even in the most extreme case, it is better to take a break for a certain time in order to analyze what led to the break and outline actions to get closer to those who are so dear to you. And if during this time your feelings begin to cool, then everything was for the better, and you will have new acquaintances, dates and unusual twists in love stories ahead.
Everyone who has heard these simple and at the same time great words at least once in their life knows that in comparison with them, a blow to the balls, inflicted powerfully and efficiently, may seem like an insignificant event in the life of a minor neighbor from below.
First, let's agree on two things. First, we will replace the phrase “let's remain friends” with DOD - this is the custom in our environment. Second: we will distinguish between DOD initial and final.
Initial - this is when you and a girl from the very beginning have more friendships than any other relationship. And you, of course, at some point want to translate them into a horizontal plane, otherwise why would you be reading this article, right?
The final one is when other relationships were maintained (or planned) with the girl for some time, but the result of them was DOD anyway. However, you also somehow don’t want to agree to it or end this relationship, right?
Initial DOD
There is a girl with whom you have a good, in general, relationship. You communicate, meet, chat about this and that ... She considers you a close (to one degree or another) person, she is ready to spend some time with you, she knows that she can count on your help, she even from time to time she frankly talks with you, shares her feelings, cries into your vest, but she doesn’t even think about being in the same bed with you. “You are nice, but I won’t sleep with you” - something like that.
“DOD means that you will still have to do everything that you had to do before, but they will no longer sleep with you”
Why is this happening? Simply because you misbehaved from the start. You showed yourself as a friend, not as a man. You were understanding and kind, sweet and nice, you could have fun with you, talk about nothing or even open up on some topic, but you did not arouse sexual desires. You were a good girlfriend, a free psychologist, a sexless vest, in which you can always cry. You don't find one like this every day! In the end, there are most likely a lot of people who want to sleep with this girl, but there are not many people like you who are ready to help her free of charge, selflessly cover if necessary, listen to her whims and crybabies. So what category will she put you in?
No, of course, the girl does not want to lose you. She likes to communicate with you, in some sense she appreciates you (if it makes you feel better), and she will even be sorry to part with you. But think - do you like this state of affairs? If yes, then close this article and do not read further. She's not for you.
Final DOD
For some time you met, and it even seemed to you that everything was fine with you. But suddenly the girl announces you DOD.
"DOD means you can't demand sex, but sometimes you'll get fucked even when you don't want to"
Those. it seems to you that "suddenly". Because in fact, girls do not break up just like that. They most often do not have spontaneous decisions (like ours), when they take it for no reason and want to stop everything. Usually they endure for a long time, even if something does not suit them, they hope that you yourself will understand - and you will either correct yourself or leave her. And only when everything has already been decided, when she is already completely tired of it all or something better has appeared on the horizon, then she will come to you and say something ordinary and everyday, like: “I don’t think we should continue further ".
And that's enough for her. All your suffering and snot are no longer of interest to her, even if they sympathize with you or cry for the sake of appearance. It's WHEN THEY ARE DROPPING THEM, the girls are able to sincerely and reverently say many heartfelt and beautiful words, believe in them, cry, suffer ... Themselves, if they have firmly decided to leave, they do it easily and without hesitation, like a pebble in the water gurgled - and there is none. She said a few words and left.
“DOD means that they will tell you about all the former, current and subject. And you can't - it's bad manners "
Why is this happening? Why is it that the people who are most dear to us most often announce DOD to us? Of course, the reasons can be different and there are dozens, if not hundreds, of options. But still the most common answer is contained in the question itself. Reread it again.
Yes, the whole point is that you overestimated the significance of this very single girl for yourself. That you are driven by emotions, not you by them. After all, it is precisely those people who really do not have a soul in a girl, who tremble over her and are afraid of losing her, who surround her with so much attention and care that she already loses interest in them.
On the other hand, if she does not want to part with you at all, then she still needs you for something. Perhaps she is not yet sure what awaits her on the side, and therefore keeps you in reserve. Perhaps she likes to communicate with you as with a person, and receive some resources from you, and she wants to keep it, even if she ceases to be your girlfriend. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to upset you with a complete and final break in your relationship, that’s why she offers you friendship (well aware that there won’t really be any friendship).
Techniques for getting out of DOD
Some of them are described in detail in the cookbook or in the book "Effective seduction by 200%". It’s just that it’s desirable to know them even BEFORE they announce the DOD to you. I will describe one of these methods here:
“DOD - and you will always take, pick up, help, cover, help out, come at the first call. It is not clear why and what to hope for.
Long, but very effective option. Based on the "Closer-Further" methodology. Not recommended for pioneers and other inexperienced people.
After the girl told you DOD, try to agree to a friendly relationship, but there is only one very important point- you need to make it clear that you REALLY want such a relationship (if you are not capable of this, it is better to leave immediately). After that, any of your invitations and walks will be perceived only from the point of view of friendship, which at this stage is only good for you. We will continue to be friends, but be friends actively.
It will be very beneficial to share with her any interests or hobbies that her current boyfriend, if one exists, cannot share. This interest can be anything: studying, walking around the city, repairing her car, upgrading her computer, walking dogs together, going to the gym (clubs, parties).
But in no case should you spend a lot of money on her so that she does not give you the role of a trouble-free sponsor so desired for her. It is better to let her know that you have money, and you would be very happy to waste it for the sake of your girlfriend. The reception is very strong, it is very bitter to realize that all women are corrupt, albeit in the best sense of the word.
“DOD - and maybe you will be treated kindly when it is unbearably boring. And they will call when no one else is at hand. And you will come! You are a friend, and everything happened between you, you understand everything.
It is very desirable to compliment her when meeting, but without any hint of eroticism. The most important strategic task for you now is to get CLOSER on her part. As soon as you feel feedback, friendly sympathy in your direction, this stage can be completed. The most eloquent sign of this will be invitations and calls that the girl will make on her own initiative. Be sure to remember that your friendly communication should be bright, and the girl should be comfortable and fun with you. Imagine that you go out on dates the same way, only with a minimum of physical contact and without any hint of “pink snot”. The more pleasant your company is for a girl, the faster the necessary affection will arise.
It is undesirable to stretch this stage too much, usually a month is enough, further progress in this state can lead to the fact that you become an open book for your “girlfriend”. There is nothing worse than being predictable and understandable for a girl - there should always be intrigue.
And finally, the girl calls you, invites you somewhere, maybe even kisses you on the cheek at parting, in general, you observe her CLOSER in relation to you. So it's time to leave. You completely disappear from her horizons, disappear for a week and a half, she should not see you, hear you, know what is happening to you. At the same time, the optimal moment for leaving will be the time when she has no special plans, that is, she does not leave anywhere, there is no active rest, so memories of a good friend will come much more often and she will miss you, because she is attached to you.
“DOD - and you are on a par with her favorite ficus, cat or teddy bear”
And at the most crucial moment you put yourself in order and come out of the shadows. The best option would be to be at her door with a flower in your teeth (in your hands), grab her by the hand and run to demolish the roof. Appearing, in no case should you apologize for a long absence, unless you quickly let it slip as something not particularly significant, and immediately hush up the conversation. You lead her to pleasure, your pastime should be very pleasant, your goal is to take her into space, and the closer she is to space, the better.
At the same time, an unobtrusive increase in physical contact plays into your hands. The girl's feelings are superimposed on each other. Boredom BEFORE you and your sudden appearance, blowing the roof, a pleasant pastime plus constant, developing, but careful touches (who doesn’t like them?) bring her into a very resourceful state that you should use. The final break in the pattern should be a kiss, which simply must take place when it becomes clear that she is ready for this. Most often, the girl does not even have time to figure out what is happening, as she ends up in your bed.
“DOD – and you will be lucky if you never see who you were traded for. But you will see. After all, you are friends.”
I repeat once again - this method is designed only for experienced people with a cool head and a sober calculation. Pioneers with a strong emotional attachment from a girl will not bring anything good, except for extra snot. I would advise them, first of all, to disappear from the girl’s field of vision (required!), turn on a complete ignore, then actively engage in themselves, increasing their level and, having recovered from emotional dependence, having pumped enough, you can try to return and start all over again from scratch. If you are sure that you have enough strength.
If you are afraid of losing her, if you continue to dream about her and wind your snot on your fist while remembering your “relationship” (which, perhaps, did not exist, and only you considered it as such), if you are even ready to agree to DOD, if only to be with her - then you are either a rag, or you simply DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS WAITING FOR YOU.
Features of female psychology. Emotions. How to call them in a girl and why it is EXTREMELY important in seduction. How girls check guys. Why do many guys get "leaked" at the stage of checks. Types of checks. Proper Communication during checks. All this you will learn on our
"Let's be friends" - how many men have become unhappy after hearing this phrase. How much pain and suffering she brought them.
Let's see why it happens that the girl offers to just remain friends.
It would seem that the answer lies on the surface, she is not interested in you as a man, she does not want a relationship with you, and therefore “gently” offers to remain friends. Although in fact, she does not want to be friends with you.
I highlight two main cases when a girl says "Let's be friends"
1) You are in a relationship, a crisis has come in them, and you heard this phrase.
In this case, most men try to overwhelm the girl with declarations of love, flowers and gifts. She gets tired of excessive attention, and blocks you on social networks, and stops answering calls. Nevertheless, you do not lose hope, and you start looking for meetings, waiting for your beloved at home or work, cut off the phones of her relatives. And as a result, you aggravate the situation even more and fall under the total ignore on her part.
And all this is due to the fact that you misinterpret the proposal to remain friends from the girl. Let's translate it from a female language: "Darling, our relationship has reached an impasse, you no longer suit me as a man, and I suggest that we leave."
You don't suit her like a man! And instead of flowers, gifts and SMS, start working on yourself. Figure out what you did wrong in a relationship that didn’t suit the girl in you, and try to fix it. If she is not satisfied that you drank beer in the evenings - go in for sports and completely give up alcohol, if she said that you are boring, then find interesting hobbies. Remember that change doesn't happen quickly, so don't call the girl two days later and offer to come back. Let at least a week or two get bored. But then call her and have a friendly chat. Tell me about your new life, and look at her reaction. You can enhance the effect by talking about how you became interested in the opposite sex. It is important to understand that the girl will not accept you the way you were before, and you need to change, while the girl needs to create a deficit of your attention so that she starts to miss you.
Call once a week and have a nice chat. And when she starts to show interest in you new, then start acting, and return the relationship.
2) You're trying to woo a girl, but she says you're just friends.
In this case, most men do not pay any attention to this phrase and continue to act according to the old scheme - to call on dates, give flowers, confess feelings. They do not take this as a sign that she is not satisfied with the current you, and you need to develop in order to interest her.
First of all, start befriending her. Yes, just be friends. Stop paying for her, invite her to parties. Sometimes you disappear and then reappear.
Don't forget to take care of your own development. Make your life bright and rich, so that she herself would strive to communicate with you and look for meetings.
And only after that proceed to seduction.
I wish you never face any of the above situations. But if this does happen, then try to be guided not by momentary emotions, but by logic. And only then will you succeed.
