How to talk to strangers the right way. Communication with strangers

Corporate or large conferences are difficult events for those who are not used to talking to strangers. But sometimes, one simple question can start a useful conversation.

Here are a few phrases that you can use to defuse the atmosphere and talk to a stranger.

How to talk to a stranger at a conference

"Hello, I'm so-and-so"

The easiest way to start a conversation. Most importantly, do not forget to say something else after that. The welcome is just the beginning. To bring the conversation to new level, you need to exchange a couple of phrases first.

“Are you having problems with Wi-Fi too?”

Most often, the answer will be yes. Tell a story about how your internet went down at the most inopportune moment.

“Oh, how delicious [food or drink] looks. Where did they take it?

Photo: businesscollective.com

You can tell about some place where you once tried this drink or dish. Or give a compliment to the interlocutor about his bag or jacket. People love compliments, and in response to them, they usually tell where they got the item of praise. Otherwise, you can ask about it yourself - the main thing is to keep the conversation going.

“Can you tell me where the wardrobe is?”

At the very beginning of the event, no one knows what to do. And those who know will gladly answer a request for help.

"Did you come together or did you just meet?"

Photo: CAIAIMAGE/PAUL BRADBURY/GETTY IMAGES

Great way to start a conversation with a group of people. The more people talking, the better - so you get to know the purpose of each interlocutor better and can exchange interesting ideas.

"Did you hear X's performance?"

Photo: screenshot from Youtube video

Ask the interlocutor if he heard the speech of some familiar person at another event? Has he read his work? And everything like that.

"Have you ever been to X on the corner? I'm thinking about going there."

If you are at an outdoor event, you will discover new places nearby. If you are a local, then you will recommend good establishments to your interlocutor. You can even suggest going there together.

"Looks like you're having the most fun here. Mind if I join you?"

Photo: Mike Coppola/Getty Images

It is unlikely that someone will refuse you. Most importantly, make sure you find a really fun company.

"Are you performing today?"

If the answer is no, ask which of the other's colleagues will be speaking today. If yes, find out what it will be about. If your interlocutor has already spoken, ask if it will be possible to review his speech online, and where he will speak in the future.

"Have you ever wanted to chat about anything with a stranger?
Talking with loved ones is not something ... There you are forced
say what is expected of you. Talking to the first person you meet
you can finally be yourself." (Matsuo Monroe. "Bang-bang")

"Never talk to strangers!" my grandmother taught me. "Never meet on the street! It's below women's dignity!", Mom instilled the rules of decency. In childhood, everything is much easier. You can't talk to strangers because it's dangerous. And no one is interested in meeting a little girl on the street. I was obedient, and followed all parental instructions long after I grew up.

I managed to get rid of problems in communication only after I received a diploma in psychology. It turned out that on the city streets Evil Gray Wolves not so much (except during the spring-autumn exacerbation) and, in fact, among the passers-by there are more of those who willingly support the conversation.

The whole list of advice comes down to two rules: act and seek common topics. But what if you have to literally break yourself to perform an action?

Making no difference between a man and a woman, Let's try to figure out what and how to do in order to properly start a conversation with a stranger. To do this, you will need: a little knowledge and a little practical action.

Step one. Theory

Did you know that more than half of the world's population has communication difficulties? The main inhibitory factor is the fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, the fear of being left outside the social circle.

The struggle that goes on inside us when you decide to approach a stranger is nothing more than a normal internal conflict. Why ordinary? Because everything is fine with you! It's normal to worry about what impression you will make on others. But the lack of interest in communicating with people is a sign of a mental disorder.

Why am I afraid?

If family members were wary of strangers, they were afraid of intrusion into their personal space, then this way of interpersonal interaction is the only normal and correct one within this family. Simply put, they simply didn’t teach you otherwise, because they didn’t know how to do it themselves.

Overprotective parents. Parents were overprotective, so everyone else is deceptively presented as hostile towards you.

Lack of parental love. If the most dear people do not love me, then why should everyone else love me?

The reasons may be different, but the result is the same: in interpersonal communication there is something that a person cannot do. Most often, to solve this problem, you need to improve your relationship with yourself.

What to do with yourself?

To get started, just try to imagine the worst thing that can happen if you have to enter into a conversation with a stranger. Develop a plan of action and retreat. Ask yourself what will happen if I get confused? And answer yourself: it doesn’t matter, this happens. But next time I will start the conversation differently, and so on. It doesn’t hurt anyone to “run through” such moments and play out the situation in their mind.

After getting acquainted with the theory and playing one actor, when you mentally or together with a mirror beat the situation, the time comes for the most difficult thing - practical actions. There is no point in reading an article and memorizing something if you never use it later.

Let's take the negative experience of the past aside for a while and try to acquire new practical skills for ourselves. To make relationships with others a joy, decide what you still want? Relax and be kind to those around you. Not adapting to others, but as you want.

Step two. Practice

If you often travel by public transport, you are in luck - this is a vast area for constant practice. From "tickets" to "the foot you stand on is mine." Street, parties, university or museums, you can get acquainted and start a conversation everywhere.

A person who is open to communication can be recognized by a relaxed posture, smile, and good mood. A smile, by the way, is the perfect way to influence people. Smiling is best when you have good mood. If you try to explain it plain language, sincerity and naturalness - this is a candy that others easily fall for.

Good intelligent humor is appropriate in almost any situation. But nobody likes aggression and untranslatable folklore. Start a conversation with a compliment (yes, boys like it too), state a fact (old people love to use this technique), ask for advice or help. After all, we are social creatures and love to give advice to experienced people. In this way, you will allow the interlocutor to feel significant and useful.

The conversation can be built on questions and answers. Learn to speak in such a way that the person has the opportunity to “turn around” to answer. Not “Is this book a good one?” but “What are you reading right now?”.

Try to adapt to the interlocutor. Follow his gestures, facial expressions, you can even yawn after him. Support the new topic of conversation that he suggests. "O! You love butterflies! I love them very much too. Only now I forgot what this one is called, with red wings with white polka dots?

Topics to start conversations with strangers

The master of interpersonal communication - Dale Carnegie once said that every person, first of all, thinks about himself, about his problems and about how he looks in the eyes of others. Use wise advice and talk about your interlocutor. I don't know if you've noticed that manicurists and hairdressers are the best conversationalists. Why? Because they talk about you and know how to listen. Know how to listen carefully, then you will not notice how you yourself will become pleasant in communication.

Do not forget that you are the initiator of the conversation. Therefore, the initiative is in your hands. There are many topics that you can have a nice chat with a stranger: work, leisure, family, what is happening around you. Simply put, give the person what interests him.

Do not be afraid of disappointment, do not be afraid to be misunderstood or funny. Maybe you took something wrong or the interlocutor was not up to you?

Your goal is to openly show that you are here and ready to communicate. New contacts and acquaintances are fascinating in themselves and, perhaps, many pleasant surprises await you ahead.

Not everyone likes small talk about nothing. In fact, such conversations perform a very useful function: they help to defuse the situation, get out of an awkward situation or start communication in an unfamiliar company, as well as unobtrusively start a conversation and get to know a new interlocutor better.

To be honest, I used to think that the ability to unobtrusively start a conversation is an exceptionally innate talent. With these people, after a couple of minutes you feel like you are talking with an old good friend. And I personally know such people - there are not so many of them in my environment.

In addition to them, there are comrades who just as easily start conversations with strangers, but after a minute they become like representatives of a Canadian company trying to sell you another set of knives, dishes or a vacuum cleaner. There is a huge difference between the first and second. How to understand that you are too carried away, and how to start a conversation correctly? Here are five simple tips from Celes of the Personal Excellence blog.

1. Ask a question

The easiest and most standard way to start a new conversation, many people use it.

"What do you do?"

This is a great conversation starter question in countries like Singapore or Hong Kong. People from there are used to identifying themselves with their occupation. If you know that this person loves his job and devotes a lot of time to it, feel free to ask. You will get a long enough and detailed answer, so that the conversation will not end after a short phrase and an awkward pause. Also, the method is well suited for talking at various conferences, seminars and business events. After that, you can ask a huge number of more working questions: “how long has he been in this business and has been working at this company?”, “Does he like this job?”, “What prompted him to join this company?” and so on. Questions about clients, business trips, careers and funny incidents at work - the possibilities are endless.

"What brings you here?"

This question is especially useful for various events, whether it's a house party or a business meeting. Use the answer to continue the conversation. For example, a phrase like "I'm here to meet new people" means that this person is open to communication and new acquaintances. Perhaps you can share interesting events that are included in your calendar.

"What did you do today?"

Sometimes the answer to this question is standard and uninteresting. And sometimes they can reveal fascinating details about the interlocutor.

“How was the event (event)?”

If you know where the person has been before, use that to start a conversation. For example, one of your friends or colleagues recently returned from or was at an interesting conference. Ask him about this event.

"What are you doing this week?"

Since the question is about the future, ask it closer to the end of the conversation so that you can say goodbye politely later.

Be aware that you may be asked follow-up questions, so be prepared to answer them.

2. Compliment

For example, the option that works best in a women's company: "What Nice dress! It fits so well on you. Where did you buy it? and all questions related to accessories, hairstyles and appearance. Starting a conversation like “You look great! Did you have a good rest / sat on / started playing sports? and so on also works well with men.

Compliments regarding the work done will be pleasant to everyone without exception. They work especially well with open and emotional people.

3. Use surrounding objects as a conversation hook

Having met at the conference, say that you liked the speech of a certain speaker, indicate which moments made a good impression and ask the interlocutor what he thinks about it.

Use what is happening around you for a conversation, thus creating a comfortable atmosphere. After the ice melts, you can move on to more personal topics.

Often one question or a simple request for help can lead to a long, exciting and fruitful conversation.

Why does it work? Because people like to help. It gives them a sense of importance, a sense that they have done something useful. And admiring reactions to the answers make them feel like a senior mentor.

These may be work related questions. For example, you can say that in this moment busy with new things and would like to know the opinion of the person, as he is an expert in this field.

Even if you don't really need help, still ask for it. Advice given by another person can open up interesting prospects for you, previously unnoticed.

The most interesting thing is that a normally silent and modest person can break his standard behavior pattern and show himself from a completely different side. Some people just blossom when someone is interested in their hobbies.

5. Tell us something about yourself

What have you been doing in recent months? What new and interesting things did you learn? What goals do you want to achieve in the near future? Tell about it.

This method is the opposite of method #1: you yourself take the initiative and share some information about yourself that might be interesting.

It is better to use it if your counterpart is very shy and is unlikely to start a conversation first. Or if the person didn't respond to your question or comment. Then you can start by being the first to tell about yourself and thus show sincerity. When the person sees your willingness to evaluate and discuss, they can relax and open up in return.

How do you start conversations with strangers?

If you are a registered user on a dating site or in social networks, then you, probably, more than once had to deal with the fact that it is quite difficult to start a conversation with a stranger - the instinct of “reality” works. What if you are misunderstood, considered intrusive, or decided that you have no pride?

It's worth dropping all these doubts and just stick to simple rules during a conversation, so as not to look stupid. Although, the concept of stupidity is very extensible.

1. Study profile/profile

So, the first and basic rule is that you need to get to know a person even before you enter into a dialogue with him. Check out his profile. Look at the photo - what is shown on it, which photo is chosen, read about his hobbies, pay attention to the spelling, whether he indicated marital status and other facts. After you make a first impression of a stranger, use the knowledge gained to start communication. If you have found common hobbies and interests, then half the work has already been done, it remains to write a message and start a conversation, you definitely have something to talk about, at least in the first three sentences.

2. Be original

You can write the words “hello, how are you,” but you can hardly stand out from the mass of other “writers”. Therefore, if you still have the courage to enter into a dialogue, then show originality. Think about what the first message from you should be. Perhaps a playful question in the spirit of "I see you like skiing how do you spend your time in summer without snow?” will help to attract the attention of the man you like and thus start a dialogue. You should not start a conversation with the phrases: “What are you looking for here?”, “What are your plans for the evening?”, “I also like to drink” - this is unconstructive and rude. Reputation on the Internet is also a reputation.

3. Do not interrogate

Once you have begun to communicate with a man, try to keep the conversation in the spirit of small talk. This means that you do not need to ask direct questions: “How many children do you have?”, “What is the name of your ex-wife and “What did you do in the 90s?”. Talk about general topics, look at the reaction, evaluate the sense of humor and literacy. You can ask all the questions that interest you later, when communication develops into something more, but at first an attempt to get into a person’s soul will be perceived solely as tactlessness.

4. Do not insist on contact exchange/meeting

If during the correspondence the person did not offer you to meet or at least use more real means of communication, you should not reproach him for this, and even more so insist on a date. Perhaps he has his own reasons for not going offline, which he is unlikely to tell you about. At the same time, if your plans are real communication, it makes sense to look for a new interlocutor, so as not to waste time chatting with an unrealistic man.

5. Don't impose

What is meant by this word? Writing one or two messages a day is normal, but 5-10 is already a lot? This is not the point at all. If you wrote a man a message, but he never answered it, you can try again. If the second message was ignored, back off. The same applies to dialogues. It’s one thing when you intensively correspond, ask each other questions, share impressions, discuss something and “keep in touch” all the time, and it’s quite another when a man answers your messages in monosyllables and once a week.

The main advantage of virtual communication is that you do not owe anything to anyone. You can interrupt the correspondence at any time or, conversely, translate it into real time. During communication, you have the opportunity to really somehow get to know a person and get an idea about him, so that during a date you feel more confident and relaxed. The main thing - do not be shy, and if you are looking for your love using the Internet, then this is your choice, and therefore - it is definitely the right one!

Take the initiative. Start the conversation first, this will help set the interlocutor positively towards you.
The most favorable topic for conversation will be the interlocutor himself. After all, many people love to talk about themselves. Ask the person what he likes, what he does in his free time.

Avoid questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no". Structure the questions in such a way that they need to be answered in detail.
Listen carefully to the person, looking into his eyes. Then the interlocutor will answer you the same, and both of you will enjoy the conversation.

Talk about what's relevant at the moment. Discuss the weather, current news. Talk about mutual friends, if any.
If the conversation is not going well at all, talk about what you like yourself and ask the interlocutor's opinion about it.

Use a sense of humor. Tell some funny story or appreciate the joke of the interlocutor. These things always bring people together.

Be natural. Do not pretend to be someone you are not - this will alienate the interlocutor from you.

What to avoid when talking to a stranger

Don't interrupt the person. If you disagree, listen to it to the end anyway, and then express your opinion. And if the interlocutor interrupted you, then you should not reprimand him.

Do not interrogate the interlocutor. Of course, you can ask him a few questions about his personality, but you should not ask in detail. If a person wants, he will tell you everything.

Don't fix it. If you notice that the interlocutor made some speech error, show your upbringing without correcting him.

If you started talking, for example, about your work, then you should not load your speech with any professional terms that are incomprehensible to the interlocutor.

Do not insert a huge number of quotes into the conversation on foreign language which the interlocutor does not own.

Following these simple tips, everyone can find a common language with absolutely anyone.